Fancy that.

Welcome to College

2012-01-14T23:52:00.000-06:00

Well, I've been back for a week and I feel great!!

Just before coming back to school I had a pretty overwhelming dream that revealed a lot of emotions that I was feeling without realizing I was feeling them. A lot of the dream had to do with clutter and disorganization in my life. That was a much needed eye opener BEFORE I went back to school. Immediately following that dream, I awoke and laid out a schedule (after calming my heart down; I was still stressed out when I woke up... it was pretty powerful). I am happy to say that I've remained faithful to that schedule. I have awoken every day (no matter what time I go to bed) by about 6:30. This has given me a significant amount of time to walk with the Lord in the mornings and really kick start my days. I can already see the difference in my life. I am so joyful it almost hurts. Yeah, I still struggle with constantly being happy; cause I'm a person, durr. But the root of my being is a giddy little character that can't contain the passion and excitement that it has for the Lord.

I'M SO IN LOVE WITH GOD.

It's funny how something as simple has having a schedule can do that to you ... I really appreciate having a schedule but I also understand that sometimes, the schedule will fail and that's okay. I love that the Lord is helping me through this and I love that He is setting things in their places. It's really becoming evident in my life and I thank Him so much for that. I can't express with words what I'm feeling towards Him right now but He is expressing it through my heart ... ON THE PIANO. Praise GOD. He's making music through me. I have been coming to the piano every day and understanding the way the music and keys work together. He has been speaking things like this into me for so long, but I never believed. I believe. I believe I was made to worship the Lord and I believe I was made to LOVE Him. Firstly, and always.

I know that the last post I had was a real downer - thank you for all your prayers. My Spirit is lifted and the Lord has spoken life into me once more. I desire His word and I desire His presence again; I know who I am again and I know where I'm headed.

On another note, small groups have started up again! And I'm so excited! On top of that, Luke 18 should start within the next week. I'm waiting on my softball schedule and then all of these things should start motoring! Monday morning, I'm having another meeting with the leadership team here on Campus and we'll begin the ball rolling for the LUKE18 CONFERENCE IN MANKATO, MN. I've gotten some pretty positive feedback for the conference and I'm attempting to raise support from my church and gather students from 2 more campuses in ND. This is such an exciting time and I can't believe what the Lord is doing on campus. WOW. I wish I could explain everything, but this would be thee longest post on the face of the planet.

Thank you for all of your prayers again, until next time;;

Lost. Have you seen this girl?

2011-12-21T16:17:00.000-06:00

I have to admit, these past few months have been very difficult. I've been tested like I've never been tested before and I've experienced emotions that have engulfed my life, for real. I've been stretched, bent, torn, mended, torn again, pulled, pushed, overwhelmed - basically, I've had a pretty trying season. On top of that all, I'm a student with studies to complete. I often think that as a student, being a student, as a forerunner, being a forerunner, as well as an intercessor, being an intercessor - combining everything at all times can be hard. Hard, but possible with the strength of the Lord (a truth that is often difficult to swallow unfortunately). And of course, there's other drama thrown into the mix, 'cause life isn't allowed to be easy.

Anyway, this past week I had exams; always a busy time of the year for any student. It's also the waning period of time that home slowly beckons your name louder and louder. For me, when I think of home, I think of retreat with the Lord. My mind, heart and spirit were literally in an upheaval. I have this crazy picture in my head of what my appearance was like, but I really don't think I can describe it justifyingly... it's a mess though, I'll give you that much. Like a jumbled knot of mind, body and spirit all mixed up and unsure of what is going on anymore. I was to the point where I was thinking "when I get home, it'll all make sense again, I'll be okay if I can just get home." Guess what, I'm home and I'm still not okay.

I have come to realize that I don't have a place in this world. I don't belong there, I don't belong here... so where do I belong. Then, of course, silly me, I pick up my guitar and start playing "I finally found where I belong" such a simple truth that is often forgotten. I belong where the Lord is. It's a message that I've preached to friends often - I've even told them "I never belonged there, I will forever belong where the Lord takes me, I will forever belong in His heart" I can clearly hear myself telling multiple people this. Then why can't I accept it as truth anymore? This is something that I've been toiling over the past couple days since coming home. I knew something wasn't right anymore. There's something not okay in my heart anymore. I feel lost in a broken world.

My breakthrough began on Sunday and hasn't really stopped since. The Lord is revealing a lot to me, but I'm nowhere near finished (obviously, but I'm talking about this specific season of grief). The breakthrough began with a few simple words spoken by the Lord that rushed me back in time to the first time I fell in love with Him; Will you dance with Me again? That's all He said that was necessary to bring a tear to my eye and a smile to glance upon my lips. These words were sweet to my ears; but not striking to my heart. The next word struck me down to my knees weeping; it cut straight through my heart with words truer to me than any I have heard in some time, "Beloved, you have forgotten yourself, you have forgotten who you are and you've forgotten that you are Mine. My joy, My delight. You have forgotten how you dazzle and shine and you have forgotten your beauty." I was shaken to the core with an innocent cry "Lord, who am I." I've come to the realization that I've lost the truth of who I am. So many people have spoken falsely over me throughout the months, that I haven't had any idea what to cling to - I've forgotten the words of the Lord that He has etched into my heart.

This last encounter has really caused me to dig deeper. Understanding that I need to work on myself; I've been so consumed with 'doing the Lord's work' that I've forgotten the intimacy must come first. I'm taking these next few weeks as 'personal time' and diving into the Lord's heart and purpose over my life. It's going well so far; difficult and hard to swallow at times. It's a good season though, a break from being all the things I've been trying to be, a break from being "perfect" as they like to say back in Valley. This is a time where I can let it all crumble down and let the Lord pick up the pieces. I've realized that I have the spirit of depression attacking me (prayer is welcomed) and now that the Lord has so graciously revealed this fact to me, I can already see a light in a dark place. The Lord is amazing to me, and I am excited to see what treasure comes out of this season. This is unknown territory and I know the Lord is allowing me to grow ever so close to His majestic glorious heart.

Again, thank you all for the support while I've been away. I can feel every prayer strengthening my bones. Love you all, and Merry Christmas. It truly is the best time of the year.

Post 100

2011-11-10T17:49:00.000-06:00

Hey blog readers! This marks a big day! Post 100! Exciting :)

But to bigger, better, much more important things ; I've been reading Ezekial, and I have a hard time reading more than 3 verses. It's way too much for my heart to handle most of the time (it's magnificent!)

I finally got past Chapter 1 and my heart is a puddle and my brain blown. (this is what I call 'boom, holy roasted'). Ezekial 1 is basically Ezekial experiencing the GREATNESS of the Lord being pictured through 4 living creatures, 'cherubim.' This is so significant in my life because I fully believe that I have a gift much like these; to gaze upon the Lord all the days of my life, singing of His Holiness.

There was much that struck me about these creatures in this chapter, but much of it I don't even have language for; so, I want to lay out for you some of the things that struck me as relevant and exciting.

1. The Lord is a raging whirlwind of fire engulfing itself (Ezekial 1:4)
             - Take a moment to actually picture this. This is truly what all consuming fire IS. This can so easily mess a person up. I picture this tornado of fire eating everything; glorious.

2. The creatures did not turn when they went, but they went straight forward (1:9)
           - What a noble characteristic. They turn neither left, nor right, but march forth, straight and steady; no doubt nor straying.

3. They went where the Spirit went (1:12)
- They know who is good. They know the Spirit well enough to know where He is. I'm noticing more and more how noble these creatures are. NOBLE.

4. When they went, it was like the noise of many waters; like the voice of the Almighty
         - When they are present and when they move, it is evident that the Lord is there and the Lord is apart of them. WOAH. Imagine moving and being and having that kind of presence noticed.

These are just a few things I've come to a realization about; there's so much more, but I really hate trying to put language to a lot of the revelations I get.

I would like to point something else out that I find absolutely fascinating. The creatures are described as having heads like a Lion, Ox, Man and Eagle. These are all representations of the Lord in some way. After all, they stare at Him 24/7 without ceasing, they're bound to look like Him; it's the same as us, the more we gaze, the more we are molded into His character. Anyway;
- The Lion; represents the Lord's righteousness
- The Ox; represents the Lord's good works (servanthood)
- The Man; represents His humanity (God became a man)
- The Eagle; represents God's divinity (He is GOD)

The more I learn about these creatures the more I'm fascinated by them. They reveal so much about who the Lord is; His desire is to have ones who will gaze upon Him and know Him. That's why they were created. It's why WE were created. I'm not saying that these creatures are to be looked upon more than the Lord, but by understanding who they are and why they were made and WHAT they are, I'm understanding more about why I'VE been created, and who God is.

Amen and Amen.

Groaning for more

2011-11-03T11:22:00.002-05:00

I’ve recently come back to the hunger and desire I once had for the Word of the Lord. It’s so strong within me sometimes that it hurts. What I’ve noticed though, is that I’m not eating it quickly, I’m taking time chewing the word. I’ve been stuck on these passages for the past few days; it gives me such revelation of the awe that I have for the Lord. It’s a subtle reminder of who God is. That He’s compassionate, that He remembers me, even when He is far away. It encourages me to keep fighting for what the Lord has set me apart for, I’ve added emphasis to certain scriptures that have really been hitting my heart, but I’m in awe of how much I am desiring the scripture of old.

Don’t read this lightly and quickly, please. Read it, read it, read it again; all the while admiring who the Lord is, for ‘this, I recall to my mind.’ – this is the truth, this is the light. It’s manna straight from the heavenlies.

Lamentations 3:21 – 33 … 37 - 41 … 49 – 51

This I recall to my mind,

Therefore, there is hope.

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,

Because His compassions fail not,

They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,

“Therefore I hope in Him!”

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,

To the soul who seeks Him.

It is good that one should hope and wait quietly

For the salvation of the Lord.

It is good for a man to bear the yoke in his youth.

Let him sit alone and keep silent,

Because God has laid it on him;

Let him put his mouth to the dust –

There may yet be hope.

Let him give his cheek to the one who strikes him and be full of reproach.

For the Lord will not cast off forever.

Though He causes grief,

Yet He will show compassion

According to the multitude of His mercies.

For He does not afflict willingly,

Nor grieve the children of men.

…

Who is he who speaks and it comes to pass,

When the Lord has not commanded it?

Is it not from the mouth of the Most High

That woe and well-being proceed?

Why should a living man complain,

A man for the punishment of his sins?

Let us search and and examine our ways,

And turn back to the Lord;

Let us lift our hearts and hands

To God in heaven.

…

My eyes flow and do not cease,

Without interruption,

Till the Lord from heaven looks down and sees.

My eyes bring suffering to my soul

Because of all the daughters of my city.

It’s not a matter of the knowledge you have of everything around you, it’s not a matter of how much theology you know and understand, it’s a matter of the love and passion you feel in your heart. Are you willing to fight for the relationship you have with God because you KNOW Him. Scripture is so plain about who He is, it’s so plain to see. It’s written for the eyes of babes; simpletons. Are you willing to cry out for the Lord day and night until He looks down and sees and moves on your behalf, (JEREMIAH 29:12-14 * see below) or are you going to half-heartedly walk around and hope that maybe something will happen? Lord, I want to be zealous for Your kingdom. I want to be burning with a desire so strong that it cannot be quenched, that it cannot be missed. I want to be a flame that is so strong that it consumes those around me. I want my eyes to be burning as Yours are burning. My Spirit cries out, my body aches; as a fire shut up in my bones; I will be weary of holding back the word of the Lord (Jeremiah 20:9 *See below).

Jeremiah 29:12-14

“Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you.”

Jeremiah 20:9

“Then I said, “I will not make mention of Him, Nor speak anymore in His name.” But His word was in my heart like a burning fire Shut up in my bones; I was weary of holding it back, and I could not.”

Courageous

2011-10-03T09:06:00.000-05:00

I saw the movie Courageous last night. It was phenominal. I highly recommend it to everyone who loves the Lord, even if you don't love the Lord, watch it. It's not cheesy, just amazing. I'll inform you more about it at a later date, in the near future. Probs sometime this week. But seriously, watch it.

Love you my friends!

Incubator

2011-09-27T13:21:00.000-05:00

The Lord showed me a powerful picture today. He is birthing something amazing on the Campus of Valley City State University.

An Incubator was covering the entire campus. He revealed to me today that VCSU is no longer a place of strictly education on science, education, business, etc. This is an equipping centre for the people of the Lord. He will bring people in and begin to teach them of the Word of God. The campus of Valley City will be a birthing place for forerunners, prophets, evangelists, dreamers, messengers, preachers, teachers, and so much more! The Lord is moving and He is faithful to finish His good works.

There is an Acts 2 movement coming soon. Lord, would you grant us the grace and boldness to step out in this hour. God, we want you and NEED you to come. This is a time in which compromise can not be present in our lives. Would you be our first choice EVERY time. Would we have the faith to step out with no fear but You.

YOUR kingdom come, YOUR will be done.

Again, thank you all for partnering with me in prayer. Keep 'em coming!

Changing of a Season...

2011-09-18T22:11:00.000-05:00

So, I'm finally fully settled in here at Valley City State University and things are fully underway. I am very pleased with my living arrangement, it's a beautiful 4 bedroom house right off of campus (just short 1-5 minute walk, depending on where you're headed) :

The roommate and I (one of them)

My beautiful bedroom

Love this part

My kitchen

A little Canadian pride

The bathroom, sinks around the corner, washer/dryer are to the right

My house is only part of my crazy life down in America. My schedule is crazy busy between classes, softball, Tennis, DECA and CRU/FCA. I have a pretty loaded weekday schedule (sometimes weekends too). Everything is now fully underway and it's not usually hard to handle with the grace of the Lord.

I can't describe the joy I feel when I'm here. It has it's hard days, but there are so many more ups than downs. Yeah, class loads can be a lot, especially with 19 credits (Public Speaking, Chemistry, Spanish, Lab, Business Law, Data Solutions, Photography + part time work); but when I understand that my priority is not anywhere near school, it makes it a lot easier. Yes, I'd like good grades, but I'm starting to understand why I'm even attending College; it's not for my own gain, it's for glorifying the Lord. I don't need College. If the Lord wants me doing something, He's going to give me the skill sets and knowledge to do it. I can see my grades suffering, and I'm having to deal with that in my own heart, but in the midst of all that is going on in my life, the Lord is so good and is so prevalent in my life at this moment. I don't need to be in the top percentile of my class, I need to be a pleasing fragrance to my Lord God. I am doing His will on Campus right now. I'm happy to say that the Luke18Project has begun this past week, so has a women's bible study and small group (please see "Crusaders" page). I'm so excited about the kick off of a new year and a new look.

Outside of school, I'm obviously busy with Softball, but I'm trying out some new things.
1. Tennis ; I've never played Tennis before in my life, but I thought I'd give it a go and have some fun with sports! It's as competitive as you'd like it to be, you can participate in tournaments if you'd like, or just come out and practice. At this point, I'll be going to one tournament in October, but with my softball schedule, I can't attend any others.
I'm loving this sport though. It's so much more difficult than it looks, but I'm liking how relaxing it is! It's a good way to just hang out and have fun after softball is over. There's no pressure at all. It's great!

2. Learning how to say no. ; Last year, I had this thing, if someone wanted to hang out, I'd drop everything and go. It was a way of fitting in. But I'm realizing more and more how to prioritize my life a little and understand that it's okay to not go out every night and it's okay to stay in my house and go to bed at 10:00 on a Friday night. It's not weird that I want to wake up in the morning and be fresh for the Lord. I don't get things accomplished at night, so I'm learning how to wake up at 5, 6:00 a.m and be prepared for my day. (It's kind of interesting that I've learned this about myself in the midst of this craziness; yeah, I'm a morning, introvert person). This way, I have at least 4 hours before class to not only get myself physically ready, but spiritually ready for the day as well. This is such a crucial part of living where I am right now.
Living in the midst of college students who are consumed with the college lifestyle, I must get myself consumed with the Lord's lifestyle for me. I am understanding more and more what Holiness looks like on a person, and I'm craving it the more I gain understanding on it. By understanding how much I want this characteristic, the more I'm okay with saying no.

Thanks for all the prayers my friends. They are going a long way and I'm holding up well. Camaraderie is much needed down here as it is dull and dark times in the city of Valley City, but alas, the light is coming around the corner. The winds of revelation and the rain of cleansing are just over the horizon. Beloved, Ezekial 37 is the song to sing over Valley City State University.

The End

2011-08-10T14:01:00.000-05:00

That's it, that's all. I'm done.

I'm officially done my summer employment with the City of Winnipeg. It was a good job, but let's just say... I don't like office work. People are great, office, stinks.

I will say, that at the end of the day, it really makes me realize just how close I am to going back to school! After this day, I have my Western Canadian Championships for softball in Stonewall (COME WATCH!!) I'm hoping to snag a gold out of it. Then 2 days of packing and squeezing in some friends and family, and boom. I'm off to my home, where my heart is right now. It's true, my heart is with Valley City. I love that I can say that, I love that I can feel such passion for a place. I love it there, I love what the Lord is doing there. It's really hitting me that it's almost here again, and this time... I'm actually prepared for what's coming. Okay, maybe I shouldn't say that, because a lot has ALREADY happened that I wasn't NEARLY prepared for. But the Lord is good, I love the tests He puts us through because no matter how much it hurts or how difficult it is, it makes us closer to purity, righteousness and holiness. It makes us closer to Him. I want to draw so much more near; therefore I WILL praise Him through the good and the bad. There's nothing else to do.

Anyway, just wanted to let you guys know... I'M ALMOST THERE!

Weekend Awakening

2011-08-09T08:51:00.000-05:00

So I went to Valley City this past weekend because some things were going down with the house that we were leasing. The house was on the riverbank, and the river is pretty high again. The City of Valley City is actually purchasing the entire street that I was living on, and the plan is to tear down all the houses on that side of the street to make room for a permanent Dike (It's about time). The river shows no signs of going down anytime soon, so they probably just want to add on to all the riverbanks. I don't really know. I'm just praying that the whole city doesn't go under because the Lord's work is NOT done.

Anyway... the landlord purchased a newly renovated house for us (pictures to come); it's WAY nicer than the other one, smaller, but nicer. It was really awesome that he snatched up that house for us as soon as he knew. I knwo he paid a lot of money for it too, and he's charging us the same rent for it. I've got a fantastic landlord. But I will say, I was freaking out more than a little bit when I first found out, especially because the picture on googlemaps showed a significantly smaller house, it basically looked like a little box. It is a box, but it's a very LOOONG box. Which actually makes it a quite a bit larger. There are two full bathrooms (last one had 1.5 bathrooms) and it comes with a washer/dryer. Overall, I'm very pleased with where I'm going to be living for the next 3 years. It's going to be wonderful to have my own space.

Being back in Valley really stirred my heart again; it reminded me of the Lord's purpose for me in this season. It even made me a lot more confident about the season that is just around the corner. I had a lot of doubts about what I was getting into; when I say doubts, I mean a lot of fears. I'm not saying that those fears are gone, but they are definitely trusted in the Lord way more than they were a week ago. The Lord even gave me some revelation and advice as to where to step first. I'm going to be talking with a good friend of mine almost immediately upon my arrival in Valley next week (August 17th) and I'm hoping that he will jump on board... I let him know what I wanted to talk about, and he seems ecstatic. So PRAISE THE LORD, He is in full motion.

The Lord is pleased with the campus of Valley City State, please partner with Him in prayer for this campus, that it may be in unity with the Holy Spirit. Something is stirring, the wind is upon us!

This is the song He sings over us in this season. Awake, awake oh valley. Take the slumber from your eyes, it's time to arise and have the Lord as yours.

Purely Inspiring

2011-08-05T13:44:00.000-05:00

I just followed the best bunny trail ever.
I discovered a phenominal photographer from the 1950's. Her name is Vivian Maier. She has no photographic training whatsoever, but check out some of her pieces.

Check out the site; http://www.vivianmaier.com/
I encourage you to read up about this woman too. It's quite fascinating and beautiful to see the person behind the pictures.
The most beautiful thing about these pictures, is that they were hidden away until this past year or so; she took pictures for her own enjoyment and nobody elses. A talent like this, locked away for all those years; she just loved doing it. Wow.
I also just want to say that I love how raw these photos are. No photoshop, just raw emotion; whether it be heart wrenching, cheerful, humorous - it's straight up photo.

How He loves us...

2011-08-04T18:37:00.001-05:00

Check out a link I just posted on Film Reel. It's under the heading Inspire titled How He loves. This is a powerful testimony of God's love for us, and I encourage everyone to hear it.

The Forks and things

2011-08-04T13:54:00.000-05:00

Well, to start with, I just came from The Forks. I've always enjoyed going to the Forks and experiencing that unique urban market vibe. It's quite fun actually, but I'm rarely inside when I venture into that area of downtown Winnipeg. I usually enjoy the magnificent scenery and beautiful walk ways. Today, however, I went on a mission; LUNCH! I didn't complete my task, I was looking for wraps, couldnt' see them on anyone's menu, I found them online and they looked scrumptious. They're veges and noodles wrapped up in a blanket of rice paper. Honestly, looked so good, here's a picture.

I know, how good do those look. Anyway, I thought I was at the right restaurant/quicky food station - but like I said, nothing on the menu. I ended up just getting the tradish meal (combo 1; chow mein, veges and chicken). It was good, just a little disappointing. It wasn't until I came back that I went back online and realized I was TOTALLY in the right location; and I totally saw them. So, fellow Winnipegers/Fork lovers, if you want these tasty treats, go to the Dragon Express and ask for SALAD ROLLS. Duh.

Anyway, even though my mission was to get these tasty treats (and a cinnamon bun, which was successful, but that's for a later date today); I got so distracted by everything else that was going on. There was music; a lovely black man was doing his Jamaican style music on guitar (it was so great, he was just singin and smilin' and lovin' it) and then a young boy... man? I don't know in between there somewhere was playing his cello. What was fascinating about celloboy though; as I walked down the hall, it sounded like there was an orchestra. But nope, one lone cello boy. It was beautiful. Not only is the music great, but I love the cute little indoor market. There's bakeries, florists, wineries, seafood, fruit, veges, and galore! It's so neat to walk around and just see all the people shopping and chit chatting and laughing, even joining in with the musicians. It's such a fascinating atmosphere. I've never really taken the time to enjoy that side of the Forks. But I promise you, there will be pictures posted later about why the Forks is so great.

Brand-Spankin'-New.

2011-07-29T15:39:00.000-05:00

Yupp, You guessed it. The blog has been washed and renewed.

It was just time to get a new look and feel. It's a lot like my next season coming up. I put a LOT of work into this believe it or not. I had pull up my sleeves and dust off the old HTML skills (the few I have). It took me two full days, but it's complete and beautiful. Funny how it takes time to make something beautiful isn't it? ;) But it's here. It's done. It's perfection.

There's a lot of hidden things around this blog (I don't mean you click on random stuff and BOOM, you've got some goodies) I mean, my heart and soul is literally different areas of this design and layout. It's amazes me how as you're being creative, you realize that this creativity is actually yourself on a page. Blows my mind. It's such an interesting way to express oneself.

But, hope you enjoy! I know I say this a lot, but this time I mean it; I'm hoping to update a little more than I have been! I've added new pages and things like that too;; should be fun!

Narrow is the road...

2011-07-28T09:15:00.001-05:00

Matthew 7:13-14

“Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life and there are few who find it.”

It’s funny, ever single time I read this verse it strikes me as fascinating. It hits me with revelation every. single. time. It’s just one of those messages in the bible that has been so important in my walk with the Lord. The first thing you notice, is quite obvious, the way to the world is easy and boom, right there for you. The way to the Lord is hidden (I always imagine a little gate hidden between the trees), and small, not quite obvious, and a little more difficult. What I’ve come to realize is that it’s difficult because it’s not very lenient – if you walk this way; there is NO compromise. It completely relates to “if you’re not for Me, you’re against Me” there’s no kinda-sorta walking this path, you walk this path or you fall down onto the broad path where you can run around and do whatever because it’s HUGE, step wherever you want, whenever you want.

The Lord’s path isn’t like that, it’s one foot in front of the other, that’s how narrow it is. You can’t look side to side, because there’s nothing but dense trees, and if you do, maybe you’ll catch a glimpse of the path way down there, get kind of interested and forget to put your foot in front of your other foot. I just want to look at the path ahead of me, because that’s the only one that matters, especially because there’s something there. Here’s the easy part though; there’s only one way to get to the end, and it’s this narrow path that you just have to keep moving forward on. No if’s, ands, or buts on this trail, just you, your feet, and that glorious prize.

I think of the broad path as one huge grey zone; there’s no clarity anywhere really, no urgency, no… well, no true life I suppose. I think it’s much easier to live that way; without a purpose, without a destination (without a true sense of one anyway, many people would say “I do have purpose, and a destination” then they’d go off describing a goal that they PERSONALLY have). When I talk about a purpose and a destination, I’m talking about the purpose to love God, and the destination to be with God. Without those, you can do whatever you want, it’s easy to live in the fleshly mindset, the Godly mindset, is right and true, but your flesh wants to win. It’s a constant battle, every day for Spirit to win. The narrow path is black and white, yes or no, good decision or bad decision. When you think about black or white decisions, it seems easier; unfortunately, you usually want a lot of the black decisions. Tough. It’s disappointing a lot, but so worth it.

I could honestly go on about this verse, there’s so much detail and revelation hidden inside of it. So much to discover; but I love that the Lord reminds me about this verse when I’m struggling between my flesh and Spirit. I want what my flesh wants, but my Spirit is screaming NO. The Lord’s subtle voice comes in and says “narrow is the road and difficult is the way which leads to life…” It’s all I need to remember who I am and where I’m going.

The Lord is good.

Day 30

2011-03-24T11:06:00.000-05:00

I know, Day 30 was at least 30 days ago. But I went home and forgot to scan the picture. But, my dear parents are lovely, and emailed it to me yesterday.

So, the challenge for Day 30 ; A picture of someone you miss

This is my Grandpa Cook.
He passed away a few years ago because of cancer.
He meant a lot to me,
he was a HUGE part of my childhood.
He definitely was a huge part of my families life too.
I think of him often,
and often wish I had taken the time to know him better.
Needless to say,
I miss him lots.
Love you Gramps <3

Stare at the well.

2011-03-23T17:05:00.000-05:00

I've had some difficult weeks. I just couldn't get a drink from the well of life. I would dip my ladle in, and come up dry. It seemed that the more I tried, the more I gave up. If that makes sense.

Okay, I didn't give up, I just didn't try as hard. The thought of trying was always in my head, but the action of trying, faded into the distance. My life slowly got busier, and it still is busy. But needless to say, the effort lacked more and more. The thoughts of the well faded a little bit too, but still was there constantly; not quite at the forefront as it was before.

I know we all go through these seasons. It's part of the human cycle, I think. We learn a lot from it. It's in these seasons that we learn that we are not the ones who walk to the well, it is actually Jesus who carries us to the well. Unfortunately, that means embracing ourselves as weak. That stinks, but it's necessary. I'm beginning to see how weak I really am, and that with a lack of the Lord's strength, life ain't all that - harder then it should be too. I'm not at the well yet by any means, but, I feel a shift in the atmosphere and in my spirit man. It certainly is only the beginning. I had a revelation today, as I forced myself to stare at the well for a couple hours; asking the Lord constantly to catch the little foxes (as they can be very distracting and amusing). I realized, hey - I'm not getting anything out of this. Sounds enthralling, I know. But the thing is, is that I was doing the ACTION. That's a beautiful thing. For you science people out there, let me put it in the words of Newton... "For every action, there is a reaction." That reaction isn't always immediate, believe me, it can take a while. The trick is, is to remain faithful to that action. I felt a shift in my heart today, I was a little more joyful. Something I've missed dearly. I am not drinking deeply of the well just yet, but staring at the well - oh, that longing is returning. That lack of motivation I was feeling, is still a feeling, but it shall grow dim in the midst of seeing a well filled with satisfying, delicious water that is so much better than the wine of this world. I must have a drink, I will give no rest to my soul until I can have it.

For those of you in the same season as I ... don't give up. Sit and stare at the well. It sucks, but it's gonna be worth it. The Lord hasn't forgotten about you, He just wants you to see the beauty of the well itself... I think we can often take it for granted. It's a mode of humbling us I think. I know I'm humbled. I will only go lower from here, so that I can have more of Him.

And to the devil, I have some things I want to say to you;
I SHALL NOT BE DISCOURAGED, FOR THE LORD GOD DELIGHTS IN ME, AND HE SHALL LEAVE NO GOOD WORK UNFINISHED.
Take that truth and walk away mister. I'm no fool.

Day 29

2011-02-07T09:37:00.000-06:00

one day left! YOWZAAA

Hallo

(Icelandic ; pronounced ;; ha-low)

Day 29

A picture that makes you smile

I was looking through my pictures, and this one made me gleam.
It has a lot of great memories attached to it as well.
This is when I worked at Circle Square Ranch.
That cute little boy on the right,
was a child of one of the ladies who I worked with.
He liked to help me switch the slides.
Most precious thing, he would sit in my lap for the slow songs,
and hop up and do all the actions for the rest.
What a joy a child is.

PS - tomorrow's challenge, I'm going to leave until the weekend. I don't have the picture I want on this computer.

until then...

BLESS (What a beautiful language. To say bless as a goodbye)

Day 28

2011-02-06T14:34:00.000-06:00

Home stretch here folks! Are you excited? Sad? Nervous? I'm gonna go out with a BANG.

Nei Hou

(Cantonese ; pronounced ;; knee HOW)

Day 28

A picture of something you are afraid of

I'm terrified of falling.
In more than one sense.
Physically, free falls terrify me.
I'm determined to get over that fear.
I could go on about the depth of my fear of falling truly means.
But, honestly, I don't want to be that honest.
I'll leave you with this though,
It's a fear that I will conquer in a lot of ways...eventually.
And
I don't ever want to fall away from God.
I refuse to.

Joi Gin

Day 26, 27

2011-02-05T14:35:00.000-06:00

(Portuguese ; pronounced ;; oy)

I missed a day again, my apologies. Buuut here's DAY 26

A picture of something that means a lot to you.

There's a lot that means a lot to me.
But letters are something that are a special surprise.
Even emails, or unexpected text messages.
I like knowing that I'm thought of by my friends and family.
Letters are this sweet reminder of "Hey, I like you"
They don't need to say a lot.
But it's nice opening my mailbox to a home-made letter.
Or waking up to a nice "good morning" text.
Anyway, that's one thing that means a lot to me.

Day 27

A picture of your last meal

How good does that look.
I went to Olive Garden last night with some girlfriends and had this delectable dish.
PORK MILANESE
No, my last meal was not last night.
My last meal was tasty leftovers
I enjoyed every bite.
Perfect.
I've been trying to step out of my 'comfort zone'
You know, try new things.
I usually go to restaurants, etc. and get the same order.
At Olive Garden it's usually the soup, salad, bread stick combo
or
Some sort of Alfredo.
I'll tell you something, my uncomfortable-ness has not failed me yet.

Tchau (pronounced ;; like ciao)

Day 25

2011-02-03T22:00:00.000-06:00

K sorry, super fast here....

A picture of your day.

So, I didn't take a picture of my day... cause it's kind of hard when I'm doing a bunch of things in one day, but here's a story about my day... or more like point form I suppose.

Read my bible and love Jesus
Go to class
Go to work
Work (but really do homework)
Walk to the bank
Walk to the grocery store
Walk to my dorm
Eat lunch and listen to a sweet message by Billy Humphrey (Thanks Janelle)
Go to practice
Shower and get un-smelly/sweaty

Annnd yeah, then my evening started :)

Thanks for dropping by.

Breathless flesh, arise from your grave

2011-02-02T18:57:00.004-06:00

Okay, this is an additional post for today. This is so legitimate.

I've been praying for the campus of Valley City State University for MONTHS now, but never has it been so legitimate. I was basically doing my own harp and bowl, which I've never done before, but anyway. I've been really noticing the dullness on campus, the lifelessness, the half-heartedness/lukewarmness. Basically what's going on. Anyway. I was reading my bible today, and Ezekial 37: 1-11 really stuck out to me. It's where he raises the army from the grave, from the dry bones. God revealed to me that that army is the body of Valley City [NOTE : the grave was in the VALLEY ... sweet]. Anyway, it rose out of my heart this evening as I was interceding. But here's what came out of my mouth :

I prophecy ARISE oh Valley.

Shake off the shackles. Remove the thorns.

Breathless flesh, awake and see the Glory set before you.

Shake off the dust and arise from your graves.

The Light has come.

I'm not telling you this because I think I'm an awesome prophet. I'm telling you this so YOU know how to PARTNER with God and I in prayer. I am seeking for people who will pray for this campus. There are few "prayers" here on campus. And I fully believe God is raising them up. From the dust. He is awakening them. Would you partner with me and ask God to do it?

I know there's a big stirring on Isaiah 60. These two things go together. God is doing something big. This isn't just "in the valley" this is everywhere. I strongly believe that this is a common fragrance arising to the Lord in this day.

Would GOD move in a mighty way. Would he awaken the breathless flesh. Would he breathe life.

YES, AMEN.

Day 24

2011-02-02T11:45:00.000-06:00

Hola

(Spanish ;; pronounce ; OH-la)

Day 24

A picture of something you wish you could change.

There's a lot that I wish I could change.
This challenge was actually very challenging.
I had to think through all the things I hate.
But I realized there's one thing at the root of all that I hate.
Stone hearts.
I wish I could change the hearts of the people in the world.
I don't just wish it though.
I believe I will be one who turns hearts back to God.
I know God will anoint me with words when needed.
This, is critical.
A heart of flesh.
A heart of GOD.

Hasta mañana (See you tomorrow! ;; prounouced ; AH-sta man-yaw-na)

Day 23

2011-02-01T07:02:00.000-06:00

Buongiorno

(Italian ; pronounced ;; bwon JOR-noh)

Day 23

A picture of your favourite book

I could say the typical "my favourite book is the bible!"
But I'm sure you all pretty much know that.
So, this is my other fav.
NARNIA
It's got everything.
Thrill, humour, sadness, romance.
It's a pretty great book.
Super prophetic too.
I enjoy it a lot.

Arrivederci (ahr-REE-veh-DEHR-chee)

Day 21, 22

2011-01-31T09:12:00.000-06:00

Again, I'm behind, but that's okay. I'll catch you up here.

Ba'ax ka wa'alik

(Mayan ; pronounced ;; BAH-ah shko-WAH al-LEEK)

Day 21

A picture of something you miss doing.

I miss riding.
I haven't done it in over a year.
It's so sad.
The freedom I have on a horse is unreal.
When you form a connection, it's like you're one.
It's exhilarating, yet peaceful all in one.
I love it.

Day 22

A picture of something you wish you were better at.

I wish I was better at saving money.
I used to have an awesome savings account when I was younger.
Then I fell in love with fashion.
Yeah, not easy to save when you want new clothes.
Luckily, I'm beginning to dislike malls, and spending money.
So, bonus. I'm on the right path.
One day, I'll learn the healthy balance between saving and spending.
But, as for now, I'll continue to train myself.
I will point out though, that when I save money and actually have spare money,
I love to give it away.
Crazy. But sweet.

ch’abej chik

Day 18,19, 20

2011-01-29T19:42:00.000-06:00

Oi vay, I'm behind. Crazy few days though... I'm home! Surprised my parents. It was great... anyway, I''m gonna use the good ol'

HELLO!

(English ; pronounced ;; hell-oh)

Day 18

Jeez, tough one.

A picture of your biggest insecurity

I don't really know of an insecurity I have anymore. I can list a bunch that I used to have, but I'm actually a pretty confident person now... I WILL tell you though, I'm really insecure when I'm drinking a drink in a quiet place when someone is sitting right beside me. I try to drink quietly, but it ends up being a loud gulp. Hahaha, which actually just makes me laugh. But, yes....

Day 19

Oh man. I don't feel like doing this, but I will anyway, because I don't want to cheap out.

A picture and a letter

Dear God,
Here I am.
Pick me.
Send me.
I want to do Your will.
Fill me up.
Look at me.
Love for always and forever,
Caitlin.
Your beloved.

Day 20

Alriiiigggght, back on track. You're all fantastic by the way. I only have 10 days left! Here we go.

A picture of somewhere you'd like to travel

I know my friend Rebecca is in the way.
But this is Macchu Picchu.
I want to go there.
It looks sweet
And like a bit of an adventure.
Plus it's mountainous.
I'm not saying I NEED to go,
But it would be nice to.
There are a lot of places I'd like to travel,
And this is only ONE of them.

Goodbye

Day 17

2011-01-26T09:29:00.000-06:00

Buna Ziua

(Romanian ; pronounced ;; BOO-nuh ZEE-wah)

So today's challenge is A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

That's easy .....

This is Valley City State University.
It is located an hour west of Fargo, North Dakota
and it's where I'm attending school.
I'm basically submerged in this crazy world 24/7
There's pretty much no escape.
I'm surrounded by people who don't see clearly,
and I don't know if this atmosphere is good for me, or bad for me.
I know I'm supposed to be here, so yes, it's going to be a struggle.
But hey, it's part of life.
I can't stay in my little bubble of safety forever.
Needless to say, I've grown up a LOT since coming here.
I've made a lot of mistakes already,
but I'm being rebuilt every day.
I'm learning the Jesus really is my solid rock.
He's showing up in the strangest situations,
and I can tell that my prayer life is strengthening a great deal.
So, this is what is the major impact in my life right now.
Wish me luck, and keep me in your prayers.

Adio! (Ah - de - oh)

Day 16

2011-01-25T09:10:00.000-06:00

Bore da

(Welsh ; pronounced ;; boy ray dah)

Day 16!! Whooooo hoooooooo!!!

Here we go

A picture of someone who inspires you.

This is my friend Janelle.
I have a lot of phenomenal people in my life
But Janelle never ceases to push me.
Every conversation we have turns directly to the Lord.
I never grow weary of our conversations
and look forward to ever single one we have.
Though we don't have a lot,
each one is impactful.
She's an inspiration to more than just me.
Everyone seems to gravitate her and her mother heart.
She's going hard after the heart of God.
And she inspires me to love more.
This is my friend Janelle.

Da boch

Day 15

2011-01-24T09:25:00.001-06:00

Zdraustvuite

(Russian ; pronounced ;; ZzDRAST-voyt-yah)

Half way there folks!!!

Today's challenge is sweet,

A picture of something you'd like to do before you die

I legit have a bucket list
I continue to add to it
There's a LOT I want to do before I die
But this one has been with me since I was a child
I would love to jump on a horse and take a nice ride down the beach.
I can imagine the sound of the waves
The soft clip-clop of the horse's hooves
The ocean spray on my legs
It's perfection.

Poka (pah-kah)

Day 14

2011-01-23T13:22:00.000-06:00

Annyong ha shimnikka

(Korean - pronounced ;; An-YOH HASHim-ni-kah)

Today's challenge is a little bit sad, but here goes...

A picture of the person you couldn't imagine your life without

I cannot imagine my life without my parents.
I know this sounds weird, but when I was younger I used to ask myself...
"What if Mum and Dad died?"
I would just burst into tears.
These are my favourite people in the world.
They are THEE best.
We laugh, we cry, we goof off.
It's taken me a while, but I appreciate them.
More than my words can express.
I love yeew.

Annyonghi kasayo (ahn-yung-hee gah-seh-yo)

Day 13

2011-01-22T17:43:00.000-06:00

Kalimera

(Greek - pronounced, Kah-lee-MEH-rah)

Alright, so today's challenge, A picture of your favourite band/artist.

Meet Jon Thurlow.
He's a worship leader at International House of Prayer.
I appreciate a lot of musicians.
But Jon Thurlow has a way with words.
His music always brings in this sweet presence of God
that allows me to calm.
He's a fantastic musician, stolen away from the infamous Juliard.
He's made to love Jesus.
Music is great.
I enjoy Jon Thurlow the most right now.
Love listening to his 8:00 am sets.

αντίο (a di o)

Day 12

2011-01-21T10:10:00.000-06:00

God dag

(Norwegian - pronounced Goo-dahg)

Alright, so Day 12's challenge is a picture of something you love.

I love a lot of things. I could say I love God, I love the bible.. all that sort of fun stuff, but I've said all of that multiple times over the past 2 weeks-ish. (I know, I can never say it enough), but I thought it was time that I shared something ELSE about myself. So....

I love to travel.
I hope to travel more some day.
I know I'll get the opportunity to do so
And I already am getting the opportunity to do so.
It's one of my favourite things to do.
I love to see the world I live in.
The world God created.
The cultures, the food, the people.
Everything is fascinating to me.
My most desired locations to travel:
Peru
Greece
Italy
Japan
Norway
England (ancestry!)
Ireland
There's actually a lot more...
And they're all for different reasons,
but for now here's where I have been:
Canada (BC, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Ontario, Quebec)
United States (North Dakota, South Dakota, Minnesota, Missouri, Kansas)
Mexico
Dominican Republic

Ha Det!

Quicky

2011-01-20T19:08:00.000-06:00

So, I was reading through my old blog posts and I realized that I used to write "poetry" of sorts. Okay, I admit, it's not the prettiest thing in the world. But it touched my soul. It brought back a lot of emotions and so on. God brought to my remembrance that He spoke to me in a unique way, and He allowed me to express myself in a way that I would specifically remember what I felt in that moment.
Anyway, enough dilly-dally. I actually just wrote another sort of poem today. Because God is Great, and totally worthy.

Draw Near

Take me away with You,

Hide me beneath Your shadow,

Let me be not seen,

For I desire ONLY Your beauty.

I cannot be away,

Not for a day,

I grow weary of these toils,

Be my strength and my song.

I long for Your Kiss,

I am consumed by Your scent

Would You take it all.

You're the One I want

The One I need,

Forever,

All my days,

Draw near.

Day 11

2011-01-20T13:39:00.001-06:00

Salvete

(Latin - pronounced Sal-way-tey - used when talking to more than one person)

Okay, so Day 11's challenge is actually kind of tricky...

A picture of something you hate

I hate a lot of things.The list can go on and on. But the things I hate, can't be fully expressed through a picture. And I certainly don't want to go and search one out on the internet.

Being in college, I witness a lot of things I hate. Immorality, abortion, hatred towards oneself. I hate that people think badly of themselves and choose to fill gaps, or gain attention through immorality. Which, in a lot of cases has led to pregnancies and abortions. It makes me sick to my stomach, and it's shocking to see that each one is connected to another. What if we were just confident in God, therefore we would love ourselves, and not have to go seek immoral relationships, which would prevent a child from having to die because we can't learn to live with ourselves.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

i hate it!!!

Valete

(Pronounced Val-wey-tay)

Day 10

2011-01-19T09:18:00.000-06:00

Shalom

(Hebrew)

Today's challenge... A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.

Stephanie Lahey.
My best friend here in Valley City.
She's from Calgary, Alberta.
She's insane.
She's a freak.
I love her so much.
We by far have the most random insane adventures.
Neither of us really care that much, we just do whatever.
We painted ourselves blue and called ourselves Smurfs!!
This is my friend, I love her.

Shalom (Hello AND Goodbye, what a great thing)

Day 9

2011-01-18T15:38:00.000-06:00

Starting now, I'm gonna add a little twist to this 30 day challenge.
We're gonna learn a new way to say hello every day.
So ....

Bonjour (French)

Day 9's challenge is A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

Again, another challenge that requires no picture. And only one word.

GOD

The end.

PS. How about we learn a new way to say goodbye...

Au Revoir

Day 8

2011-01-17T12:58:00.000-06:00

Welcome back, welcome back. Good to see you, as always.

Today is Day 8. Woo. Doin' good. Everyday so far! Let's keep this show rollin'...

A picture that makes you laugh.

This picture actually makes me laugh so much.
Stephanie and I saw the picture on the right in a magazine.
We decided we wanted to be just like them.
Did it work?
Also, please note that Stephanie and I are wearing almost the exact same thing...
That happens a lot, and no, we don't plan it. Legitimately.
Love you Stephanie. <3

See y'all later.

Day 7

2011-01-16T14:32:00.000-06:00

Hey all!! Day 7 here. Today's challenge, "A picture of your most prized possession"

- "The Bible that is falling apart usually belongs to someone who isn't" -- Vance Havner

Most people this is strange, but I'm actually terrified of losing my bible.
It got locked in my friends car once, and I had this awful feeling that I would never get it back and I almost starting crying. There is no other possession in my life that would make my stomach drop like that.
It feeds me so much, which is funny, because I used to just not touch it, not it's this poor little damaged, beaten, overused looking thing.
It's the most beautiful thing ever. My little red bible.
It's perfect. It's mine. It's life.

Thanks. Have a good day.

Day 6

2011-01-15T20:20:00.000-06:00

Welcome back folks, it's Day-6 of my 30-day challenge.

A picture of a person you'd like to trade places with for a day

I need to change a few things with this one, because I rather enjoy being myself, and honestly, I don't want to trade places with anyone. I would love to trade places with someTHING though. If I could trade places with anything in the world it would be a Seraphim. A burning creature of God, surrounding His throne 24/7.

I cannot possibly include a picture for this day, because no picture that has been drawn will give proper description to this insane, freaky creature.

All I know, is that I long to know the Lord. These creatures constantly gaze at the Lord, think of how much they know, how much knowledge would I would gain in one day. Yes. I wanna see.

That's it for today. Goodnaaaaght.

Day 5

2011-01-14T11:13:00.001-06:00

Day 5 is a toughy... A picture of your favourite memory.

I have a lot of great memories, my life has been filled with joy, mourning, growth, and so much more. I appreciate everything that has happened in my life, and I can't possibly sum up one memory that means more than another. I wish I could put all my pictures up on here... but instead I'm going to put up a picture of where my life really skyrocketed.

This is Kansas City. I lived there from September 2009 to November 2009. I was incredibly young and immature when I went, and was still young and immature when I left. It was what happened after I left that actually made me grow and pursue the Lord. Yes, I learned and received a lot while I was in Kansas City, but I think it was the aftermath that the Lord had in store for me. Many of you know the story, and many of you have had the opportunity to see me blossom in the Lord since November of 2009, a few of you helped me get through the aftermath with much prayer and counsel. This was the beginning of my life. This was the beginning of my passion. This was the fanning into flame. I am forever grateful for this city. It made me realize my identity.

That's it, that's all folks, until tomorrow. You're all beautiful.

Day 4

2011-01-13T23:08:00.000-06:00

Good evening ladies and gentlemen!!
Day 4's challenge is A picture of your night.

May I just inform you that my night has been filled with the glory of Jesus Christ. I spent nearly all afternoon in His presence, and eating His word up, then topped off the evening with some tasty worship and such at Campus Crusades. There are truly some beautiful people there, who are so hungry for the Lord. I pray for them so much, and want them to grow in the Lord. So, you prayers out there ; Valley City State University. God is there, and moving, please join with me in asking for an increase of the Spirit.

Anyway, here's a picture (2) of my night (actually 3)

Michael Danielson is such a blessing. My bible is so tasty Sierra is my friend and I rejoice over her.
  He has come onto the worship team I'm so hungry. She has a beautiful gift of worshiping
   and just rocks it! the Lord and uses that gift at CRU. I am
   so happy to see her grow in God.

The End. For now.

Day 3

2011-01-12T07:29:00.000-06:00

Good morning! Good afternoon! Good evening! Whichever time you're showing up, welcome again. Day 3's challenge is "A picture from the cast of your favourite show"

I don't watch a lot of TV. Because, to be honest, it bores me. But Heartland is very dear to my heart. When I was a kid, the books were my get away. I own every single one of them, and I used to let my mind run, pretend I was Amy and live Amy's life. It was fun. I would run to my Mum almost every day saying "Mum! They need to make a movie or something out of these books! They're so good!" And low and behold, they started a televesion series a few years back. I've fallen in love and watch them faithfully. I can't watch them in America because it is aired by a Canadian station, but they're recorded at home, so that I can come home and watch a little piece of home. The sweet thing about Heartland, is that it's filmed in Canada (Alberta)... and they are actually legit animal people in real life, no faking.

Thanks for coming! See you tomorrow.

Day 2

2011-01-11T17:06:00.000-06:00

Hello! Welcome back. So glad you could make it. Day 2's challenge [of the 30-day challenge... in case you have forgotten since yesterday] issssss drum roll puuhhleeeease .... A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.

We may not have been the "closest" for the longest. But they've been the ones who have been faithful to me the longest. My family is beautiful and delightful. They are my favourite people in the whole world. I love that I can be myself (which, I admit, is a little over the top at times), but they don't care. They just stare at me, and laugh their heads of most of the time. We certainly don't see eye to eye on many subjects. But, they're the best. I love them with all my heart.

Once again, thank you for dropping by. See you tomorrow for another adventure.

30-day Challenge

2011-01-10T10:26:00.001-06:00

So, everyone on Facebook has been doing this "30-day challenge." I think it's neat. I enjoy following everyone's photos and learning a little more about who they are and where they come from. I wanted to do it, but I'm tired of Facebook. So, I deleted it today, and decided. Hey, why can't I still do it. Plus, I need to get in the habit of blogging a LITTLE more than I do. So maybe this will help. Anyways, enjoy!!

Day 1
A picture of yourself and fifteen facts

Fact 1// I love Jesus
(madly)
Fact 2// Accessories are my favourite part of an outfit
(boots, rings, necklaces, earrings, yeaaah)
Fact 3// Breakfast for dinner is gross
(Seriously, figure it out)
Fact 4// I love Canada. It will always be home.
(Oh Canada)
Fact 5// I am not satisfied with life. And never want to be fully satisfied.
(I want to hunger for something more always)
Fact 6// Media dulls a hungry spirit. I don't like it.
(Awake from your slumber, awake)
Fact 7// I'm venturing on the journey of guitar-playing
(I'm teaching myself)
Fact 8// I'm taking piano lessons
(To praise Jesus more)
Fact 9// I love to sing. Though it's not as beautiful as most people.
(Not stage worthy, but always throne room worthy)
Fact 10// God is my bestie
(He's got my back)
Fact 11// I like using random sweet words to explain things.
(Expand your vocabulary)
Fact 12// I like being unique and totally set apart.
(It makes life interesting)
Fact 13// I enjoy cooking and baking a lot.
(Chicken Parmigiana this week!)
Fact 14// My baby toes are funny looking. But I like 'em!
("What happened to your feet?")
Fact 15// I go to Valley City State University. I play Softball. And am a business major
(The best)

Day 1 complete. See you tomorrow!

Radical Worship

2010-12-03T10:10:00.001-06:00

So, I gave my first message last night ever. It was powerful. God moved through me a lot. I could feel the paradigm shift in the room. God was definitely there. Legit.

Anyway, a lot of people couldn't be there, and wanted me to record the message, I was unable to do so, but I'm going to post my notes for you. I'm not gonna lie... I went off on random tangents a lot, but the notes are still sweet; I did stick to them FAIRLY closely. The ideas are the same.

Enjoy!
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What is worship?
To worship in AWE (overwhelming experience of adoration)

Who loves worship? I’m sure for some of you… it’s the best part of CRU!

The mysteries of worship…

-It’s powerful

-It opens the doors of heaven

-Ushers in the very presence of God Himself.

When we cry out to God and declare “I love you!”

He is welcomed into your heart and the room.

When people are together it makes it that much greater

Matthew 18:20

“Where two or three are gathered in My name, I am there in the midst of them”

With only TWO people He’s there… with only THREE people He’s there… how many people are here? If we cry out – He’s gonna come. Legit.

Worship is a two way act of love.

-Express your heart’s cry to God (to love Him more)

-He responds to your worship, adoration and longing with MORE love.

Songs 8:6-7

-Tells of the power of His love.

-Seal on heart – Remember Him always

-Seal on arm – Let it be known that you are His (get this… HE IS YOURS)

-Love like death – The saying “Love you to death” à He legit loves you THAT much. We can’t even fathom how much He loves us because He has that much to pour out on us.

-Jealousy – He is jealous for ALL of our heart, soul and mind, He won’t stop until He has it all.

-It’s flame – His love, cannot be stopped. It’s a constant love that can’t be hindered by anything… He WON’T stop loving you.

-Fiery love – I like the description “like a Greek fire”

-Greek fire was used by an old Roman Empire on Naval Attacks – it burns and burns, but cannot be doused by water.

This fiery love catches us when we come to God in worship. When we tell God we love Him… or even that we WANT to love him, He pours His love all over us.

We EXPERIENCE it.

Prayer and Worship is the very essence of a relationship with Him.

It causes our hearts to be set on fire for Him because we come to KNOW Him.

When we know Him, we want to give it all up for Him – radical abandonment.

-Leave the things of this world behind and give it all for Christ.

Philippians 3:7-8

What are the thoughts of others compared to the thoughts of God?

What does GOD say about us?

-We are beloved

-We are loved

-We are the Apple of His eye (Ps. 18:14)

-We are His children

-We are His favourite ones.

-There are so many awesome truths in the Word about how He feels about us… and if you don’t want to read the Word… Ask Him yourself. You’ll be broken to bits over His response.

David knew these truths best

-He was the most messed up guy in history

-God loved Him and blessed Him

-Prophet

-Wise Warrior/ Man of War (greatest man of war in history)

-A writer

-A musician

-In the lineage of Christ!

-All this, yet he lied, cheated, committed idolatry

-He messed up a lot.

-He knew who he was in God’s eyes.

-Read Psalms – David KNEW God and His thoughts towards him.

* In Greek, know = a knowledge that perfectly unites subject with object

&-When we KNOW God, we are one with God

-Because David knew God, he wanted to be radical

God’s a radical God – He sacrificed His only son, so that we could know Him and see Him

-Wanted to close the gap (totally dif. Message though)

If God is radical, and we come to know Him… can’t contain ourselves and we’re NATURALLY radical.

-Love makes you do some crazy things.

David is a great example of radical, wholehearted worship. (Example)

2 Samuel 6:14-22

-David danced pretty much nekeed before the ark of the covenant.

-It was Him and God – He was enjoying his Heavenly Father

-When someone saw, they were disgusted and despised him…

-David’s response – 2 Samuel 6:22

Don’t strip and dance.

-;I’m saying, FORGET yourself, and stare at God.

-Audience of One.

Develop a little tunnel vision and worship Him freely.

Worship will transform your heart and life.

Carry you into the realm of Heaven

Allow you to see magnificence.

A few easy steps

-Clear your mind

-Get rid of the TO-DO list, what you’re doing tonight, the homework… let it go.

-Focus on God

-Let the world around you fade away

-Get your tunnel vision on

-“Dove’s eyes” – Dove’s can only look straight ahead

-Give Him your heart and thoughts

-Worship is adoration and sacrifice

-Let go of yourself, give it all away

-Let Him come in

-When you let go of yourself

-There’s room for Him to come in

-Must let Him… He won’t force Himself into your heart

-It’s all free will.

-Become Undignified

-Do whatever it takes to love Him.

-Worship looks different for everyone

-Some dance, some sing, some sit, some stand, some lay down, some weep… don’t look around, look up for what your undignification looks like.

-GET LOST

-Let Him take you away on a journey.

How I love to love You.

2010-11-01T11:08:00.000-05:00

I seem to either read my bible, or worship constantly. It's interesting why I do that. I'm focusing so much on doing one, that I totally forget that I need to balance it with the other.

The Word nourishes my heart with bread, milk and meat. But Worship... worship is sweet. It's like dessert for the heart. After a meal (sometimes even before ;P), it's like a refreshing, exciting, sweet taste of Glory. Whenever I remember to do it. It's the most satisfying thing I could ever experience. The act of laying it all down before Him in worship saying "HERE I AM! YOUR FAVOURITE ONE TO SAY, I LOVE YOU; I LOVE YOU; I LOVE YOU; I LOVE YOU. A THOUSAND TIMES, I LOVE YOU!" Because when you say it and show it... He splashes you right back in the face with "HEY YOU! I LOVE YOU TOO!" Here's something sweet and satisfactory to let you remember Me too.

I can't get over how much He wants to reveal Himself to me. Me of all people. The one that can't seem to stay on a straight path. Haha. He always laughs at me and shows me that I'm like the little ADD child that He's taking through a store. As soon as He lets go of my hand, I'll stick with him for a bit... but my eye wanders over to the candy section or something else that "interests" me. I don't love Him any less.... I just get distracted. Sometimes He lets me wander for longer times than others, but He always comes over and picks me right back up and lets me walk beside Him again. He's a good Father, and He certainly loves to give me treats of His own.

So God, let us taste not only your bread and meat and milk... but let us have the satisfying dessert of Worship in ABUNDANCE. We need meat to survive... but honestly, it's the dessert that keeps us here for more.

My Hero - an English Essay!

2010-09-20T11:20:00.000-05:00

Yes, that's right I had to write a paper on my hero.... Obviously it's Jesus. BUT IT'S FOR ENGLISH CLASS. Beautiful. Thank You Lord for opening so many doors here! Doesn't matter what it is... I seem to get the opportunity to talk about you :)

Here it is guys :

A Zealous Hero

Devoted to Saving the Beloved

Immanuel, one of the many names of Jesus Christ, means “God with us.” Many people have heard of the Trinity but have a hard time understanding the concept. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are all separate beings; but they are all one in the same. Immanuel, more commonly known as Jesus, is God in the flesh. God came down to the Earth as a Man to free humans from sin and to give to man the Holy Spirit, who is God dwelling within. At 30 years of age, Jesus began His ministry in Jerusalem. He taught how to live righteously and He showed man the power of the Holy Spirit through many miracles, signs and wonders. Everything Jesus did in the Gospels was an example to man on how to live and act. Jesus’ story has drawn many to redemption throughout the years. It is this redemptive story that has provoked me to believe in the Hero of my life, Jesus Christ.

Jesus did many things during His time on Earth, but the most significant was His sacrifice. Everyone knows about the cross, but not everyone realizes the actual significance of it. Jesus allowed all the beating, and suffering to come to Him because He’s so deeply in love with us. He hung on the cross and sacrificed Himself to the heavens as the purest and most Holy being to ever set foot on the Earth. Jesus never sinned and always did right by God – not people. In the Old Testament people would sacrifice lambs to God in order to cleanse themselves of their sins, but it was never quite enough. This sacrificial offering was a fore tale into the future when Jesus (the pure and spotless lamb) would be sacrificed as an offering to rid the world of sin and offer complete forgiveness; but this only happens if one prays the salvation prayer, accepting Jesus as Lord and Savior. What always shocks me about the picture of Jesus on the cross, is that it’s not just a man hanging there in pain and suffering…it’s not just a man that allowed people to beat Him to death. It’s GOD hanging on the cross suffering for His people. It’s the King of Kings, the Holy of Holies hanging as a spectacle for all to see. As He hung on that cross, He cried out, “Father, forgive them.” He was forgiving me before I was even alive.

I’ve always been a good kid. I was one of the lucky ones that Jesus always had within arm’s reach. I went to Christian Camp when I was about 12 years old and learned about who Jesus was. Even though I was really excited about Jesus when I was at camp and the following week after coming home, I didn’t really live the life of a Christian afterwards. I was what some may call a “Camp Christian.” I loved the idea of Jesus but I didn’t stay faithful to His ways after the excitement wore off. Once I was in the 8th grade, I started developing some pretty bad habits and hanging out with the wrong people. I wasn’t performing as I used to in school. I was disobeying my parents. I was swearing at people and being downright rude to everyone. I was behaving like a confused, rebellious child. This continued all year, and I slowly got worse and worse; I can honestly say that if something didn’t change quickly my life would have become a long journey of rebellion. All in all, I was living this way because I was allowing the wrong friends to influence my life. But, thanks to Jesus, I went back to camp that summer as an LIT (Leader in Training). I grew a lot that year and learned a lot more about how Jesus felt about me. It still didn’t quite click though. I entered into High School, with a lot more confidence in myself, but still no confidence in Him. I still had no assurance of who this man “Jesus,” really was. Was He really in my heart or just a far off thought that sounded good to me? I didn’t even know where to start, so I just didn’t. I put on the “act” of a Christian, all “goody-goody-two shoes” and “all that jazz.” Everyone knew me as “that” kid. But I really wasn’t happy. I always thought to myself, “If this is what being a Christian is like, then I don’t want any part of it.” But, after a more couple of years of really struggling with my personal identity, I finally met Jesus and He saved my life.

At the beginning of my Senior year in High School and after three full years of being frustrated with life, I was introduced to a House of Prayer in my community. This isn’t a “conventional Sunday Service,” it’s a community that is dedicated to lifting prayer and praises to the Lord 24/7, through music and worship – just like Daniel did! This was life changing for me. The very first day that I entered those doors, I was welcomed with such a radical encounter with the Lord Jesus Christ that I will never turn my back on Him again. He showed His love to me in such a powerful way and whispered it to me over and over as people prayed over me; I realized that the knowledge of Jesus Christ is possible, and even more so, a relationship is possible. Jesus is still very much alive and well, He hasn’t gone anywhere and is right here in our midst. I’ve never experienced something so magnificent in my life. He truly is a beautiful man. He continues to save me from myself every single day; He saves me from my thoughts, my hurts, my pains – everything! This life with Him is a constant journey that is so exhilarating every step of the way. He teaches me something every day that I choose to say “Yes” to Him and His ways. He’s taught me to see me as He sees me, and not how everyone else sees me. I no longer am affected by the words from others because I look to Him for my confidence. I now know that I am beautiful, when before I looked to every other source for confirmation; I now know that I am desired, I now know that I am loved and I now know that I am beloved and righteous. I am confident in who I am, because He hears me and speaks to me. He has cast away every one of my sins and every one of my wrongdoings and thrown them as far as the East is from the West (Psalms 103:12). As time continues and as I seek Him every day, our friendship only grows stronger.

Knowing Jesus as a friend is so unique because I truly know Him personally. I know His characteristics and I call Him by so many different names. He is my Best Friend, one that I can share my every thought and desire, without fear of being judged, for I know that He is sympathetic (Hebrews 4:15-16). I know this, because He tells me through His Word. He is faithful to my heart; He always comes when I need Him the most and He is faithful to forgive my sins (1 John 1:9). He is my comforter (John 14:26). He will come and uplift me, certainly. He is good and His mercy endures forever (Psalms 136:1). The most fantastic part about getting to know this Man is that He shares His heart with me and tells me what I am to Him. The list is endless, so here’s just a few; I am beautiful, I am righteous, I am beloved, I am desired, I am His, I am strength, I am honor, I am a hidden arrow, I am wonderful, I am funny and I am dazzling. Honestly, the list goes on and on. Because He has loved me so well, right from the beginning, I cannot help but to love Him back (1 John 4:19). Every day, I will choose to lay down my life for Him because He laid down everything for me. I love Him because He loves me. This Jealous, Burning, Passionate Man is my hero, my Savior and forever will be.

Fire in the Belly

2010-09-17T11:02:00.000-05:00

You know...with the start of University, came a season of severe busyness. That's no excuse though - no excuse to fall behind, no excuse to loose sight, no excuse to let God be the last thought on my mind. I was blessed with a gut wrenching yearning today. One that was painful and exhilerating all in one. The pain of awakening is so worth it. I can physically feel the burning desire for more of Jesus in the pit of my stomach. I'm crying out for more, not just for myself, but for all on my campus and back home. There's something just within grasp that I'm not seeing, whatever it is, I'm reaching out and saying LET ME HAVE IT. God, let me pray, let me see, let me feel, let me cry, let me BURN for you.

Some of you back home are well past the beginning point of reading the bible in 90 days...personally, I wasn't called to it when y'all started, but God has called me to it, right here, right now. My starting point will be tomorrow.... Saturday, September, 18, 2010. My finish date.... Thursday, December 16, 2010. Grace be with me all the days. Strength be with me. May the Lord bless us with knowledge and fire in our bellies to run the race with a focused eye. May we love Him deeply.

This season shall be difficult, but this season shall be the beginning of greatness. Here we go, Lord.

Westerns - Day 3

2010-08-01T21:11:00.001-05:00

Day 3.

Game one, Tied 0-0 till the 5th inning. Then we started getting hits in the right spots and whatnot. We held 'em and won 3-0. That brings us to 5 wins, 1 loss.

After waiting 4 hours to see the results of ongoing games, we found out we had to play a tie breaker game to see who gains the right to play in the 1&2 game. We were all tired and to me, it seemed like nobody REALLY wanted to win this game. I was NOT feeling well. Honestly shaking and felt like I was going to vomit. Anyway, inning one, they pounded Erin and brought in 7 runs. We didn't hit... She was super slow and we just came from a game with a really fast pitcher... So it would take a little time to adjust. Anyway, we managed to squeeze in one run. Sweet. Top of two we get one out. Then It just starts POURING rain. Huge drops for a solid 20 minutes. So we waited. Then it took 'em 45 minutes to fix the diamond... Yeah, it sucked. Then we started playing a little better, but still, we had no energy and nobody was trying to even support our team with a cheer. We started hitting and fielding (mostly little hits) but they brought in 3 more runs by the 7th inning and we still only had 1. It was bottom of 7 and we needed 9 runs. Needless to say, we didn't even drive in one more. So we lost 10-1. Yes, I'm incredibly disappointed and upset. I hate that we were so close to Western Camps that we could TASTE it and we just didn't want it bad enough.

We were supposed to play another game today to determine which team would go into fourth place and which would be in the finals tomorrow, but we would've started too late because of the rain delay and there's no lights, so it's been bumped to tomorrow at 9 am. The winner of that game will play in the semi finals to determine a third place winner, the winner of th semis goes to the finals. So we need to win for SURE tomorrow morning to place, and we need three wins to place number one!!! We're not outta here yet!

Westerns- Day 2

2010-07-31T23:47:00.001-05:00

Westerns- Day 2
7.31.2010, 23:47
So, three games today. Our first one was a good one! Our sticks were alive. I don't remember much from it because that was like 12 hours ago. But I do know that we mercies 'em after 5 innings at a score if 10-3. WOO!

Second game was against the host team, Unity Panthers. They hadn't won a game yet, and our coach told us that we HAD to win this game... Bad idea. We weren't hitting, we were making errors... Everyone was just tense and started off cocky... What sucked was that I was on the bench and not behind the plate. I hate that cause I feel so isles. Anyway, we were behind and slowly started pickin up momentum. It came to the top of 7 and we were the away team, they were up by one so we NEEDED some runs. We started making some changes, we got a runner on with one out, advanced her on a pass ball, ground single got her to third base but sacrificed the hitter. ThenI came up. 2 outs and a do or die situation. We NEEDED that third base runner home to tie. I closed my eyes, took a couple of deep breaths, prayed a prayer of peace, stepped into the box and...... RIPPED one hard to left field. It was straight up the line and I wouldve been on three of the umpire hadn't called it foul AFTER the girl knocked it foul while still catching it in fair ground. Yes, I was upset but at least I had another life. I sewing at the next pitch and fouled it off hard left. Sweet, 2 strikes, 2 outs... Gotta do it. Ball.... And..... BAM straight up the middle. Another pass ball brings me I two. Carlie rips one opp field and sends me home. Then the next batter was out. Oh well, we're now up by one. Then we do a nice three up, three down. Terrifying, but so relieving.

Third game. We're away so we hit first. Come outta top of one with 9 hits and shut 'em down. Top of two, score another 4, they score 3. Keep playin keep playing. They start hitting and we end up winning 16-12. Wierdly high numbers I know. But sweet game.

We have another at 8 am tomorrow. Then thers tie breakers at 2and the 1&2, 3&4 game. Actual FINALS are Monday. (PS- I won MVP that last game!! So sweet!!)

Let's go all the way Angels!!!

Westerns - Day 1

2010-07-31T08:39:00.000-05:00

Alright, so day one is complete. It was a pretty long day for all of us and we were certainly exhausted by the end of it. We started our first game at 8 am, which meant we had to leave by 6 to be at the diamond for warm up and pictures by 7 am. Yikes!! Annyway, our first game was OK. we were head to head with them fir 5 solid innings at 0-0 but we just couldn't seem to get our bats going. They ends up pounding us and taking advantage of our errors and brought in 6 runs. It was top of 6 when this happened so we had to get our butts in gear and it just didn't happen. So in the end, our first game was a 6-0 loss.

The second game however, we came into it with our game faces on immediately. We made some excellent defensive plays, kept our heads down out of th clouds and were smart with everything we did, inCLUDING base running. One that really stands out to me is Nicole Zacharias. She was walked to first base, but the catcher had a pass ball and wasn't running to get it, just kind of walking, and there was nobody at second base, they were all just standing around... Anyway she rounded first and took off for second base!!! I was so proud of her. It was beautiful. We were also able to bring our bats to life
this game as well. We stayed smart in the box and generally stayed away from the drops and rises and wait back on the slow change- ups . Overall, it was a fantastic game and we came out of it with a solid 8-3 win!!!

We had opening cermonies and a banquet afterwards which kept us in Unity until 9... We left the banquet early even and didn't get back till 10. I was a zombie- no joke. Aaaanywho I slept well and now it's day 2 and we've got 3 games at 10, 2, and 6. Wish us luck!!!

Today is Day 2

Westerns - day before day 1

2010-07-29T14:56:00.000-05:00

So yesterday we left for Winnipeg and drove a solid 8 hours to Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. Apparently I was incredibly tired due to the fact that our deer accident on Monday night cut my sleep incredibly short - I ended up having TWO 2 hour naps... So I basically slept half the trip. Anyway, Dad and I made in at about 5:30... Only to realize after checking in that SK is an hour behind MB... sweet, it's only 4:30. So we just chilled in the hotel for a little while before going to Tony Roma's. We had some tasty ribs served by an incredibly nice server, I really appreciated her service, but I really wanted a tasty piece of pie, but they didn't have pie on their menu!!! Can you believe that! So sad. And then we went back to the hotel and did whatever until we went to sleep( whoopee eh?)

Today, we ate and packed and left for Unity, SK. it was a really nice drive, I found myself with a feeling of great gratitude and appreciation towards farmers. The rolling hills covered with "oceans of Sunshine"(Canola) and grazing cattle and horses were just so magnificent. So many people find the prairies so dull and boring, but they absolutely are not. Everything the Lord creates is so exhilerating and magnificent. My favourite part about the prairies are the valleys tucked away every so often.

So, we got to Unity and it really isn't as bad as I pictured it to be. It's a quaent little town that's bustling with activity. The diamonds look
really nice and I'm really excited to start playing. I legit always forget how much I enjoy this sport. It's such a huge part of who I am and it's such a rush. Our first game is at 8 am tomorrow morning then at 2. After we've got opening ceremony and some banquet afterwards.

We're at our hotel in Provost, Alberta right now. It's about 45 minutes from Unity. So it's a bit of a drive, but back home most of us have to drive at LEAST 30 min to a game... Some an hour and a half, so it really isn't that big of a deal to drive a little bit. The hotel is a Super 8 and it is INCREDIBLY nice! I don't think I've ever been so impressed with a hotel... Anyway, that's the schpeel for today. I'll keep up throughout the weekend!

Do you ever wanna....

2010-07-27T14:53:00.000-05:00

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Sometimes. I just want to do that. I don't think that I've ever gotten past opening my mouth to do it though because it ends up coming out in the form of a small sob - Jesus takes me by the hand and leads me to His waters.

He's so good.

The happenings at work

2010-07-22T18:54:00.000-05:00

So, I did NOT want to go to work today, I was quite enjoying laying in my bed and peacefully chillin' out with Jesus. It felt like one of those days to just be with Him. Anyway, I went to work, and it was pretty much your average day - BUT when I went on my lunch break, I began speaking to a coworker. He just recently found out about my Christian Faith's 'intensity' and I can tell how hungry he is for more. Anyway, he likes to ask me lots of questions now. - So, we're sitting there and he starts off with 'I had no idea you were so into Religion and stuff" I said "I'm not. I don't like the word Religion, it instigates too many raw feelings in people because people don't like the rules and boundaries associated with the word...Personally, I'm not a fan of boundaries and rules either. I'm simply deeply in love with god and the man Christ and am willing to go miles for Him." His eyes were huge and and he replied, "THANK YOU" He just understood that it's a relationsip.

So, we carry on into the depths and meaning of a relationship, that it's not just a one way kind of deal, we can legit experience God. And he turns to me and says, "If you don't mind, do you have an actual experience of this that you can share?" My heart became incredibly glad at that question, I love to share God's love to others... As Peter continues to ramble on, I say, "Peter, stop! It's okay, I have the perfect encounter. This is by far my favourite one ever. It was the first time I fell in love withthe Lord. Some people prayed for me about 2 years ago and though it felt like 10-15 minutes... The encounter lasted nearly 2.5 hours."

I shared with him the first day I entered into the House of Prayer - "The Lord gathered me into His arms and set me on His lap. As we're rocking back and forth in a rocking chair, He's hugging me and stroking my hair, whispering how much He loves me, How precious I am in His sight, How near I am to His heart. It was the sweetest sound I had ever heard."

Peter's eyes were GIANT. He was so amazed, "No way! I've always believed in God and prayed and stuff but NEVER have I heard of anyone or met anyone that THAT has happened too. That's amazing. I have faith, but that personal experience means so much more!"

Praise God that He brought me to work today. Would the Glory be to Him who loved me so much that He would allow me to have an encounter that so many long for... An encounter that can be a light UNTO something greater. Halleluha and thanks be to Him who placed words in my mouth. Lord, open more doors and opportunities. Increase Peter's hunger TODAY, God, to go and search You out.

Great day.

I know the plans He has for me...

2010-07-22T07:33:00.002-05:00

I spend all day thinking of You.
My thoughts consumed with distant cries.
I seek and search but hit a wall.
Is it You or I whose built it there.
I peer through a tiny hole,
'Cause I know you're there.
It's by Faith not sight that keeps me here
But I let out a sigh and slide to the floor.
One day He'll come and let me see,
He loves me dear and this I say
Truth is louder than these faint lies.
I know who I am and where I'm headed,
My Beloved will break this wall for me.
He will come when it's time,
Doubt if you want, but my mind is made.
For now I'll wait and meditate on Your precious words.
I'll remember when we used to be.
I'll look above and fix my eyes
For greater things are yet to come
I know, I know, I know.

A sweet aroma.

2010-07-20T21:07:00.000-05:00

Have you ever smelled Jesus? I know I say His name sweetly and softly quite often when He is speaking with me. And I can only imagine the scent of this man. This perfect man. I can only imagine that His scent alone would draw you closer and closer. But imagine this -

Imagine drawing so close to this Man that you....you.... begin to smell like Him. His fragrance rubs off on you. I've never thought of this before - it came across my mind today as the Lord revealed it to me, through an encounter I had with someone else. I am going to be completely honest and super humble here. I went to work this morning, feeling quite disgusting. I hadn't had a shower in a couple days and in my opinion... I thought I would have stunk a little bit (plan was to have a shower after my shift... don't worry, I wasn't with customers today). Me and two other coworkers were working pretty closely together, but Olena mentioned someone smelling really nice and asked both Nicole and I if we were wearing perfume. Me - no, I don't wear perfumes of any kind. Nicole wasn't either. We both looked at eachother and shrugged. A few minutes later however she said CAITLIN IT'S YOU! It's me what? You smell really good!

The Lord told me right then, it's Me. It's the scent that I carry with Me. It's the sweet, pure scent that causes people to draw near. Me, I couldn't smell it on me at all. I had no idea what she was talking about.... but I'm left to ponder something even now...

Does this scent smell different to everyone? Is it a smell that is distinctly sweet and perfect to them....

Provincials - Day 3

2010-07-18T22:12:00.000-05:00

First game was against Brandon at 11 am.... it was a good game, hot, but good. We battled hard, but lost by 2. They just killed the ball anywhere you pitched. It was brutal!

But nonetheless... weplayed Smitty's 93's at 1 (right after) and won 1-0. Super intense game... but because we beat them, that meant that we were tied with them to go to Westerns. So we played them AGAIN, immediately after.

this was a quick game... yet again (the last one moved really fast too) but we were up on them 4-2.. then they scored 2 bottom of 6. So we HAD to get a run or 2 in top of 7... didn't happen. But didn't happen for them either. So we went into an international tie breaker (runner starts at 2). This was the most intense game ever.... We managed to squeezer our runner into home, but that was theonly run we could bring in.... We seriuosly had to hold this team. So are you ready for the play by play?

Left handed batter comes up... hitting right. Something fishy is going on here. We guess that they're gonna go ahead and steal 3. So I call for a pitch out, and throw the ball over the batters head, straight down to 3. Lands EXACTLY where Nikki needs to make a play on the girl, we had her by 3 feet at LEAST. One out. Another girl hits straight to second basemen... Meghan throws to first base. Two out. the next girl rips a hard line drive through shortstop into left field... she's on one. The next girl up to bat hits a short fly ball out to right field. Steph DIVES to grab it and JUST misses it, but gets up and hucks it to one to try to make a play. No luck, but Rylee (first basemen) turns to see third base runner way off third trying to score home, so she chucks to Carly(third basemen) who starts chasing the runner down the line (where I'm awaiting her throw). Carly throws it, the girl takes a dive for home, and I swipe her back as she's diving with the ball half out of my glove I thrown my hand up in the air to show the umpire I have the ball. He says SHOW ME THE BALL SHOW ME THE BALL. He sees it - SCREAMS OOOOOUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTT. I throw my glove, with the ball still in it and shoot off my helmet land on my knees screaming and cheering and crying, the team runs in and we all cheer and hug and hoorah.

We're going to Unity, Saskatchewan for Westerns.

May I mention... I've been to Western Championships and National Championships many times before ... but never with my own team (with the exception of Junior B... but that doesn't really count in my mind because it was B ball... not A). I've been picked up ... but NEVER has MY OWN team that I've played with ALL year long... EARNED the RIGHT to play in a Western Championship!

Congratulations girls. Let's Razzle Dazzle 'em in Unity and win it all.

Provincials - Day 2

2010-07-17T19:54:00.000-05:00

It was a long day today.

Our first game was against Lightning and, yet again, a heartbreaker. It was tied 0-0 up until the last inning. We were away, and couldn't seem to pull in any runs... and they scored one. It was rough, there were most definitely a lot of tears after that one.

The second game... we played 1.5 innings against Manitoba Thunder annnnnnd they stopped the game because there was lightning in the distance (Ironic?). They said 20 minutes... but basically what happened was whenever they say lightning (in the distance) they restarted the clock to 20 min.... so we had about a 2 hour time delay. Boooo, I know. Nevertheless... we mercied 'em 12-5! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. So happy. A teammate turned a homerun... I ALMOST got one right before that. We were just rippin em. It was beautiful.

I was only at one bantam game... it was a CLOSE CLOSE CLOSE one. They lost by one :( Much like my previous games, it was a nail biter indeed.

Provincials - Day 1

2010-07-16T22:41:00.000-05:00

Soooo we biffed today.

First game, just terrible. 6-0 loss. We played Smitty's 91, the best team in our age category by far... but we can absolutely beat them! We've come close SO many times... losing by no more than 2. Legit... we could've had em. But our coaches didn't even put a decent line up together. We didn't have our strongest on the field, we didn't have the strongest in the proper order on the batting line-up... it was just bad.

Anyway, whatever about that game! We shook it off and came back at 3:00 (first game was 11) and played the Phillies. Really intense game, 0-0 for 7 innings. But, let me tell you something quickly.... about 3rd/4th inning, we make a play at one, and Rylee(first baseman) hucks the ball down to three to try and get the girl as she rounds the bag (SO close.... she did the splits to stay on the bag), she's safe... clearly... and the girl on first was out.... or so everyone though. - She was already across the 3rd baseline's foul line, when the umpire said runner on 1 is safe... uhm okay? Rylee asks for the ball and she tags the base, and the runner (3x's) Umpire still says she's safe... Okay, this makes no sense... she left the bag, didn't stay in 'foul' territory, and walked off the field. The umpire claimed to have called time at SOME point during this time so she had a 'right' to walk of the field... but how could he have called time if there was still a play going on? Anyway, needless to say, our fearless coach went out there and yelled at them, then made an appeal or whatever, he went over to get the chief umpire and they discussed this... they left... girl was still called safe, so Sean went ahead and decided he was going to get tossed from the game... threw his hat, said some swears and walked off the diamond. Kind of funny because he had a smile on his face the whole time... certainly not how to handle the situation, but still funny. anyway... we went into an international tie breaker (start with runners on 2nd). We went first... didn't score.. then they did... so we lost in extra innings 1-0. Darn.

Last game was good... still not good enough. We played hard, made a few mistakes... were up 5-1.... ended up losing 7-6 or something. again... SO close.

We'll come back tomorrow. We start at 9am and another at 1pm.

Oh yeah! I coached the bantams for their second game at 7pm today... they were down by 4, came back in the 5th inning to score 5 (brings it to 6-5). The other team scored one run (6-6)... the girls were home.... it's now bottom of 6.... they don't do anything this inning.... top of 7... they hold em.... bottom of 7... THEY SCORED ONE WITH TWO OUTS!!!! the crowd goes wild, the girls are almost in tears. I was so proud.

Never Enough - Aydra Lynn

2010-07-12T15:51:00.000-05:00

If I write a million songs and I make them all to You
will that be enough
And if I say a thousand words and I say them all to You
will that be enough.
The songs I sing and the word I say
Can never make my hearts cry clear
Enough is never enough
Sung again and the words repeated
Can never make my longing known
Enough is never enough.
I wil sing to the Lord as long as I live
And when that is nt enough I will sing again

Catch the Little Foxes

2010-06-30T15:12:00.001-05:00

My head is bursting with thoughts
As I scramble to seek the One thought I want.
My mind is bustling about
Every time I wish it to be still.
It seems that when I want it most,
It's a tormenting battle.
I plead with it to silence,
But it mocks me with taunts and unnessesary needs.
Oh that I could switch it on and off as I please.
I would simply leave the switch off
And let Jesus have the preeminence.
But could it be so simple?
Is there really a solution to this horror?
Should I resist these thoughts,
Scream at them to go away whenever they draw near?
Perhaps I should stop screaming and clawing
And lean on the One thought I desire.
Is it not Him that I so long to be captured by?
Is it not Him that can hold my gaze for hours on end?
Why should it take me so long to reach my Beloved;
For when I call on His name, He answers,
When I cry," where can I find You,"
He replies simply and precisely," here."
If He tells me,
why would He not lead me.
Lead me to the place of Onething.
Take these eyes that dart to and fro
Replace them with eyes set upon the One they glance over
Yet long so deeply for.
Dove's eyes are my desire.
I long to be captured by Something other than any other.
Catch the little foxes
So that I may see.

The Book of Eli

2010-06-29T10:45:00.003-05:00

"It's not just a book... it's a weapon"

This movie really opens your eyes to how much people will lose if they lose the Word of God... people seem to forget. I always forget just how precious the Bible is. It seems these people did too... until they lost it.

I could honestly talk about aspects of this movie for a while... legit, I could go on a rant... there's really just two moments in the movie that I would like to point out.... that line I opened with. It hit me like being splashed with ice cold water - How lucky am I, that He has entrusted me with such a powerful thing. A tongue... Literally, we read the Word, and speak it - and it moves mountains. Can you think of anything more powerful? I certainly cannot.

Another point in the movie... IF YOU HAVE NOT YET SEEN THIS MOVIE AND DO NOT WANT IT TO BE SPOILED... DO NOT READ ON.................................................................................

When the guy gets the Bible... it ends up being brail - he calls his maidservant (who is blind) and demands her to read it ... she's yelling at him and then all of a sudden feels what is beneath her fingers and begins to smile as tears fill her eyes. Oh, how precious of an emotion - the refreshing Words of the Lord can bring such peace in a time of desperate need.

This movie was quite fascinating indeed - reminded me of how precious the Word is... something I know many seem to pass by. I am blessed in communion with the Lord... but His written Word is still incredibly dear to Him and still important to read and learn.

Fin.

Holy Spirit have Your way - Leeland

2010-06-27T17:04:00.000-05:00

Long after the tears fall, I'm still your child
I put down my defenses and lay down my pride
Love and forgiveness flow deep and wide
So I run to you and surrender all

As I lay down my life,
and pick up my cross
What a joy it is to give my life away to you
All that I need,
All that I seek,
Is You here with me
Holy Spirit have Your way in me

In times of trouble, though trials may come
The rock of ages is standing strong
I'm fighting battles, but the war is won
So I'll run to you and surrender all

As I lay down my life
And pick up my cross
What a joy it is to give my life away to you
All that I need,
All that I seek,
Is You here with me
Holy Spirit have Your way in me

More of You and less of me, God
More of You and less of me, God
More of You and less of me, God
More of You overflowing

As I lay down my life,
And pick up my cross,
What a joy it is to give my life away to You
All that I need,
All that I seek,
Is You here with me
Holy Spirit have Your way in me
Holy Spirit have Your way in me.

To be seen

2010-06-24T09:51:00.000-05:00

Song of Solomon1:7
Tell me, oh you whom I love, where you feed your flock, where you make it rest at noon. For why should I be as one who veils herself by the flocks of your companions.

Where do I find you? Where can You be found, so that I may be seen apart from all the others. I don't want to be one of the many that are near to you. I don't want to hide behind others who are dear to You. I want to be as one who draws Your eyes. Show me where to find You day by day. Show me what I must do to capture Your heart again and again.

Song of Solomon 4:9
You have ravished my heart my sister, my spouse. You have ravished my heart with one look of your eyes, with one link of your necklace.

I capture Your heart simply by turning away from everything and looking at You, simply by seeking You out. When I submit my own will to Yours, You are delighted. The only thing necessary is gazing, falling in love. This really is what I was made for... How can that be it. How can it be that I wasn't made for the miracles and discipling and evangelism; but I was
made for the seeking and searching of a man... For the gazing and desiring of a King. Teach me to focus on Onething. Teach me to do nothing but fall in love. " if I never walk on water, if I never see the miracles, just knowing, that You love me, is enough to keep me here."

Everything else doesn't matter... It is simply the reaction of knowing the Lord's heart. We cannot do anything unless by the will and COMPASSION of the Lord. When we are connected to His heart, only then do we have the compassion to WANT to heal someone, to WANT the LORD'S will done. I do not ever want to boast in my own name, only in the Lord God Almighty's, for He alone is worthy of all praise.

Evangelism - Fri, June 18

2010-06-21T16:51:00.000-05:00

Again, I was unable to make it to Evangelism this past Friday. I was down at Valley City State all day for course selections, etc. Let me tell you a little about it!

It was an absolute blast! Legit, every time I'm at that school I just fall more and more in love with it. I do have a roommate, which is a little unfortunate, but I'm sure it'll be a great experience and opportunity for me! It'll stretch my boundaries a lot, but I know that it's for a purpose. Anyway - I've got 18 credits for my first semester - I'm hoping for 19 because if I'm able to take piano (WHOOP) It counts for 1. I know it's quite the course load, but I think I'm fully prepared to take it! Mon, Wed, Fri I have a pretty loaded day with Economics, Algebra, English, and Accounting. But my Tues and Thurs should be fun ... all I have is a Freshman class (Learning to Live - basically bonding with other Freshman and learning how to not be stupid in University), and Theatre! Great days eh! And guess what.... Theatre was in one of the REQUIRED courses. haha BOGIE!!! Oh! I have some computer course in the evening on Thursday as well.. but that should be a cinch.

ANYWAY. I made a friend down there already too!! Her name is Kaitlyn as well. She's from Tennessee. I love her Southern drawl. She's quite nice. We have Algebra together. And on the first long weekend there's a Valley Fair trip/ Minnesota Twins game trip - $90 bucks for EVERYTHING. We're there all weekend. So sweet! I'm signed up and ready to go already haha. I love Valley Fair - minus the wooden roller coaster. That one I'll skip out on this time around.

Okay, okay. Enough about the rant about school (IloveitIloveitIloveitIloveit)

Here's a little note from Jehu and Cassia.

Hey everyone.

This weeks evangelism was very different...once again. Is it ever normal? This week, the turn out was small...just Jehu and Cassia. Haha. They decided to go anyways and see what God would do with two willing servants. It was tough at first but after a while of walking around not really feeling anything, they decided to go into wal-mart. (a great place for good encounters :) ) Soon after going in, the found a couple who they felt lead to and went to ask if they wanted prayer. They did! Cassia and Jehu broke the ice with a great interaction with this sweet couple, and then moved on. Soon after, they found a man that they felt like praying for...guess what, he said yes too!! Praise the Lord! Both the interactions were natural and very sweet. Jehu and Cassia left Wal-mart and asked some other people for prayer in the mall but most people said no. Oh, well, God plants seeds and does stuff even when we can't see it! After praying, the two went to the area near London drugs,and... felt the increase of the Holy Spirit once again! God is so good! By the end of the evening, they got to pray for a few people, work with God, felt the delight and joy of the Lord on them and felt more boldness! Success!

Thee End.

Ain't no party....

2010-06-16T17:59:00.000-05:00

like a Holy Ghost party 'cause a Holy Ghost party don't .... STOP.

funky funky funky stuff

Getup outta yo' seats... Getup on yo' feet ... dAnCe, dAnCe - dAnCe, dAnCe.

Let loose and dance a little. It helps you let loose a little in life.

Tournament

2010-06-16T05:34:00.000-05:00

So if any of you remember, last week I was in Minneapolis (maybe the week before?) for a tournament...we hadn't actually finished the tourni because the team we were playing in the finals was a local team from Winnipeg; we wouldn't have started our game until about 6...which means we wouldn't be able to start the 7 hour drive home until about 8 pm.... and who really wants to do that. SO, we agreed that we'd play for gold at home.

We played last night. It wasn't very good, honestly. It was kind of a bogus game. Lots of errors, lots of bad hits. But we managed to squeeze by and win by 2!!! Whoop! We're number 1! Gold medal baby!

I honestly don't know how long it's been since MY OWN team has done this well. I'm very proud. Let's keep it up ladies!

Something else...

2010-06-14T16:11:00.000-05:00

I'm in an interesting season - Renewed worship and pondering. It's a bit of a pit. But that's because I don't comprehend. What else is new though, eh. The world of this relationship never ceases to spin it seems.

Anyway, some things I'm pondering on today are interesting... one is from a few weeks back that I really haven't dug in - not my style... but I'm thinking about making it my style. (It is the glory of Kings to seek things out - Psalms something or other) ; What is a burning and shining lamp?...What is oil?... What is the significance of having oil to be a burning and shining lamp? ; Weddings..... ours is significant... but where do we get our traditions from? There's a lot hidden in there that has a lot to do with our wedding day with Jesus.... All of these are fascinating and perplexing me....

And a letter to those I love -

Dear loved ones,

As you already know, I am in a very peculiar season. I expect to be very changed after this season of an undetermined time frame. I strongly feel this is a very 'secluded' season. No, I'm not saying you're never going to see me again, and I'm going to lock myself in my room and become all pasty and gross and weird; I'm saying that it's a season of difficult choices - The world can wait right? I love you so very much. And I promise I will see you a few times before school! But please, do understand - This is something I have never experienced before, and it is unto something... I can feel it!

Bless you, dear ones.
Caitlin

Time

2010-06-09T14:45:00.000-05:00

Y'know... it's funny. For some reason, as human beings, we have this idea in our head that everything needs to happen right now. Not in a month, not in a few years...but now. Okay, so maybe it doesn't need to happen right now but we certainly want it to! I was going around doing things in the house that I normally don't feel like doing (cleaning and cooking... WOW, shocking, I know), and thinking and asking the Lord about some things.... it hit me - He has a plan... He's leading me to a certain point... but He's patient. I am not. I love that characteristic about Him even though it drives me insane sometimes. I so badly want to be at a certain intimacy with Him - somehow I keep getting off track because it's taking too long and I almost 'give up' in a way. But, see, looking at myself today and looking at where I was yesterday, where I was last week.... Where I was a year ago ... There's a difference.... there's actually a bigger difference than I realize from yesterday to today. The Lord constantly is changing my heart in the smallest ways that actually are HUGE when you zoom in on them. The way I use my time is way more efficient... what I eat, is healthier ... the Lord is changing my point of view day by day. It's amazing. Another thing that amazes me... the things that held my attention so much before... actually bore me now - best example. The tele. Honestly. I can sit there all day if I really have nothing better to do... but I'm completely bored all day. I can sit there for 30 minutes just to take a short break, then actually get up and walk away without wanting to go back. I struggled with that so much! And I deleted facebook again...which is always a nice upside to turning my time-wasting to a minimum. It helps me realign my focus and adjust emotions.

Anyway, the point is... The Lord changes our hearts everyday, bit by bit. We won't always get an astounding revelation or heart wrenching, tear jerking moment with the Lord - but He's always there, and He's always tweeking wires. He's always whispering to us, and constantly smiling. It's the truths that we meditate on that keep the good works turning. I like that; I like knowing I do nothing but know He's there and He moves my heart entirely just by being there. So time, patience, sobriety...that's all we need. We're not going to be revivalists overnight. We're not going to conquer the enemy in one day... we simply need to sit and soak - let the oil fill us up. AND NO, the oil will not be quick to obtain. But how sweet it is.

Evangelism on Friday night

2010-06-07T01:18:00.001-05:00

Okay! I was out of town on Friday night for a baseball tournament so I was unable to attend, but one of my team members so graciously wrote an update for me! Oh goodie :)

We were all a little nervous on Friday because it had been raining really heavy. We still decided to go to the Forks and it was a great decision. It was lightly raining when we got there so Shaun prayed for no rain. And guess what...no rain! The entire hour of worship was not ruined by the downpour everywhere else. Again worship was just awesome and with Shaun on guitar and Jehu on the drum. A Muslim family walked by and their two-year old son was captivated by Shaun's rhythm. The boy was dancing and smiling and even took a photo-op with Shaun. Shaun's first fan!

After some sweet prophetic choruses the group felt like it was time to do some evangelism. Both groups had some awesome divine appointments. Shaun met an Asian man from Calvary temple and was able to minister to him for ½ an hour. How awesome is that?! Jehu, Paige, and Melinda met a dude from Africa who has only been here for 3 months. He goes to the church next to Calvary temple!! Again another long conversation. The evening was wrapped up with Paige breaking the rules and talking with someone for ½ hour past quittin' time. God encountered us and set up divine appointments. Praise the Lord!

Flood.

2010-05-29T22:00:00.000-05:00

Okay, so, as most of us know, here in Winnipeg there has been crazy downpour for the past couple of days... especially today. Wowza! Tanya was driving me home today and the puddles were getting deeper and deeper. We passed a lake by my house and it was overflowing... it was way up there - that has NEVER happened before. But then we got to the faithful roundabout.... it wasn't a puddle. It was a lake. There were some boys who's car (SUV or something like that) got stuck in the water were out of there car and trying to walk out were waste deep in it. Now, if you don't know what Tanya's car is... it's one of those tiny little neons. I have to bend down to open it...that's how low the handle is.... anyway. So as she's starting to drive through this thing she's just freaking out "WE'RE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT WE'RE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT, MY CAR IS GOING TO FLOOD IT'S GONNA BE RUINED!!" Something like that... lets just say this was terrifying... I didn't know what else to say so I just said "Just keep goin' girl, we'll make it." I don't know if she heard me but she continued to freak out... but I mean, who wouldn't in this situation - the water was completely covering the hood of her car and the water was creeping up the window as it sloshed about.... out of nowhere (literally not me at ALL) my voice sounded like a trumpet; I began to pray! Wow... this wasn't even me praying...literally the Holy Spirit was speaking through me...He rose up and engulfed me...my entire persona changed as I began to proclaim safety, as I began to cry out for angels, as I began to cry out for the wind of God to dry the engine and the brakes and all that kind of stuff. We made it through and her car seems to be fine - The Lord is amazing! He hears prayer, and He sees what we need before we even really say it... in fact, He says it FOR us. Wow. WOW. Jesus.... wow.

Pentecost

2010-05-23T11:20:00.000-05:00

Approximately 2000 years ago (a little less ;) ) the Lord fell in mighty power on 120 people who cried out for His presence in a tiny upper room. A rushing wind filled the room and a flame of fire hit each one of them as they were filled with the Holy Spirit. Each one was set ablaze for the King... each one anointed. They spoke in different languages... one's they have never learned before; speaking of the greatness and goodness of the Lord. They went out on the streets and were mocked for being 'drunk.' Perhaps they were, but on a wine that had never before been tasted by man. This wine was pure, this wine was an infilling of the Spirit. This wine gave joy beyond belief, and allowed your mind to be shut off so that your flesh would simply follow the Spirit.

This phenomenon utterly dismayed people. But what was even greater than the 'drunkeness' and ridiculousness of the way the 120 were acting... was the words that were spoken after being filled. The Lord put boldness in their hearts to go and prophecy, preach, heal the sick, cast out demons. He increased their faith by showing them that He answers prayer, that He is there with them.

What's greater, still? It didn't end in Acts 2. Another filling came yet again in Acts 4. But listen, " "Now, Lord, look on their threats, and grant to Your servants that with all boldness they may speak Your word, by stretching out Your hand to heal, and that signs and wonders may be done through the name of Your holy Servant Jesus." and when they had prayed, the place where they were assembled together was shaken and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and they spoke the word of God with boldness " [Acts 4:29-31] They asked the Lord to fill them. Oh, that we would all join with one accord and ask for a shaking of the very buildings we are in. That the Lord would announce His presence mightily and that we would begin to proclaim from the rooftops with boldness and power the truth of the Lord. Would unity of the church happen on this day! Would the Lord use our weak words and weak hands to perform signs and wonders in His name.

You know what else I love about Pentecost... listen to this verse in Acts 4, "Nor was there anyone among them who lacked; for all who were possessors of lands or houses sold them, and brought the proceeds of the things that were sold, and laid them at the apostles' feet; and they distributed to each as anyone had need." What extravagant giving the Lord graces us with when He consumes us. The love of our brothers and sisters just exceeds the 'norm'. It's a beautiful thing when no one has lack. When everyone has what they need, and everyone turns their eyes and opens their hearts to their brothers and sisters.

So Lord, I ask that together, as Your Bride, we would stand up and cry out for You to come. Father, on this day, 2000 years ago You poured out Your Spirit; do it again in an even greater measure. Lord, I ask that the Joel 2 prophecy would be fulfilled! Let us prophecy, let signs and wonders be done, let all be saved, God! I ask for all those around the world who are asking for You to come that You would fall... let revivals erupt today. Come... the Spirit and the Bride cry come. Oh, You who deserve all honour, power, and glory. We love You and we miss You. We need You to be here with us now.

Amen.

Evangelism; The Forks

2010-05-21T22:51:00.001-05:00

So, previously for evangelism we've gone to St. Vital mall. This has been really successful the past few times, and has given us a lot of boldness and encouragement. This time around, it was time for a big change. A new step of faith; we headed into the heart of downtown Winnipeg on a Friday night, to the Forks. The thing about the Forks is that it's so diverse; people from every sort of background come and go as they please, and the spiritual atmosphere is... well... heavy. There's a store that has voodoo stuff and fortune telling stuff and whatnot.... Just to give you an idea.

Anyway, this entire week I've just been stoked. I knew that God was going to have us move differently in this setting, because the 'culture' wasn't nearly the same as the mall. Before heading to the Forks, I headed over to the Peters' house (as usual) to prepare with my good friend Cassia. As we prayed, we received a few visions. Mine (in a nutshell), was about us (as a community), being in a season of sowing seeds... not necessarily seeing a reaping of harvest, but boldly proclaiming truth and allowing God to build the foundation slowly.... Cassia's was sweet;

She saw a person standing on a bench saying "Everyone, listen, listen to what I need to say" and then the enemy grabbing them by the mouth and dragging them into a bush, beating them and saying "You shall keep silent, you will not speak" But the person got right back up on that bench and said the same thing... the enemy intervened again and did the same thing. The person laughed at the enemy as they Lord's voice thundered "Will you stand once more?" Annnyyyway, you'll see how this connects a little later... here goes with the start of the night!

We all met in front of the Johnston terminal and set off on our 30 minute prayer walk around the grounds. When we reconvened in the same spot, we started to talk a little about the night, and the groups and whatnot, when we heard off to our left; a man yelling, "HEY EVERYONE! IN A FEW MINUTES THERE WILL BE A BORDER COLLIE SHOW! COME WATCH!" All of a sudden it clicked in my head, "That's how we do it!!! We just yell and get everyone's attention"... I started to joke around (everyone knew I was serious about the fact that we legit needed to do this), "HEY EVERYONE! COME AND SEE SIGNS AND WONDERS! ARE YOU SICK, LET GOD HEAL YOU! COME SEE THE WONDERS OF GOD!" Seriously though... it didn't happen tonight, but it will! The Lord will anoint us! But, we then got the idea of hey! Why not worship God in public...that'll draw a crowd and we can prophecy, pray and preach in the midst!

So, we split off into groups; Shaun, Steph, Cassia ; Rebecca, Paige, me, Jehu. My group prayed for each other before starting and right off the hop, Paige knew that we had to talk to this one guy, so, off she went with Jehu. They shook his hand and begun... they were with them for quite a while; their story - They attempted to pray for him...he said no, I dont' believe in that. Jehu and the guy got into a 'debate' about his spiritual beliefs. He was agnostic, didn't believe God existed, but couldn't explain the phenomenon that is Earth... Jehu hit a dead end, the guy was basically at the point of 'yeah I hear you, but I'm still not going to believe you' when Paige jumped in and said, "no, you don't understand... I know God." This shifted things... they ended up getting the opportunity to pray for the guy (he was open and willing) and got him interested in searching out the things of God. How amazing!!?? Anyway, right after that, we got a call from Shaun telling us to meet them somewhere...and he had his guitar! Perfect! We whipped out some tunes and began worshiping and praying to the Lord. It was fantastic.

We were right on the path that people had to walk on to get by... and the Lord told me that we were creating a 'bermuda triangle', so I went directly across the path to create a triangle type of shape... and it was working... I could feel the shift in the spirit! A little while passed, and a man walked by... he was curious, but he didnt' want to come right in and join... he stayed off to the side, kind of tucked in behind a tree... he was there for a solid 20 minutes at least. Oh how the Lord was touching him, without any of us approaching him. Shortly after, we began to sing a chorus "Bring salvations" (something like that) all I could sing was "Let them come" over and over and over again...the people started to come... I'm not saying they stopped ... but they were impacted. You could see it on there face as they walked through the crowd of people (us). You don't need to talk to people... worship invites the Holy Spirit who does all the work anyway!! So wonderful!! Thank you Lord!! We did end up getting the opportunity to pray for a couple of people, which is wonderful! I don't know how those prayers went... the people who did it weren't at the debrief unfortunately, but it was great that they showed up!

Annnd I do need to tell you an important piece!! Remember that vision at the beginning? Our dear Cassia stood up on the bench and began to proclaim the gospel to the air!!! Hallelujah, praise the Lamb. She was declaring truth to the heavens, shifting the atmosphere. A few people walked by as she was street preaching, but she was just given'er! It was fantastic... a little while later, Jehu gave it a go too!!! Oh, how we are growing. Oh, how we are impacting Winnipeg. Oh, how the Lord is pleased with us!!

Bless us Lord. Bless those stepping out in faith and doing this in their cities as well. God, anoint your messengers!

Fearless

2010-05-20T17:53:00.000-05:00

So, a few days ago, I was out on the ball diamond practising with my Dad. He was rippin some grounders at me and I was doing the regular drills, front hand, back hand... the basic movements. I had this feeling in my gut... the same one I always get at the beginning of the season; fear. I was terrified of the ball. I wasn't moving my feet to get square with the ball, I was just sticking my glove out, closing my eyes and hoping that I would catch it. I would have success most of the time... but it was the concept...the idea of the fear that was ridiculous. I started to tell myself, before every play; FEARLESS...HAVE NO FEAR. And it seriously helped.. a LOT. My feet were moving, my eyes were open, and I felt like I was gliding across the diamond. Then, something happened that has never happened before. The ball was way out of my reach, and I laid out for it; that's right, I dove for the ball - slid on my stomach, stretched out my glove, and guess what.... caught it! Wow, what a feeling that was! I just let go of all fear and went in wholeheartedly. It's funny what we can do when we stop thinking and just let go; give in. And you know.... I didn't always get to the ball, but I never felt 'guilty' for missing... I was happy because I knew that it wasn't fear that held me back... sometimes you just... miss. No big

Anyway, as I'm practising, the Lord is downloading phenominal revelation into my heart; How much does this story truly relate to life itself? Every ounce of it does. Think of all the types of fear there are... every reaction is the same... stiffness. We hold back and don't dive in. We don't give it our all; we don't release ourselves to do what we need to do. For myself... once fear sets in and I don't do something about it, I feel terrible whether there is success or failure; all because I know it wasn't wholehearted. All I know is that it's time to tell the enemy to shut up; think fearless; lean on God and jump in. Stop thinking and just do. It's time to throw all of our eggs into one basket and never look back.

Wednesdays.

2010-05-12T15:29:00.000-05:00

I love Wednesdays.

Beauty.

2010-05-11T14:18:00.000-05:00

I want to learn to love myself. God loves me exactly the way I am... why do I continually see tiny flaws in character, in appearance...in everything. I always want to change myself - the way I look, the way I act, the way I feel, the way I express myself to be something different...something... I don't know 'cooler'. What I want - is to be uniquely beautiful; I want to be known as someone filled with joy, a pure joy that can only come from someone who knows who she is in Christ. I can so easily be inspired by someone that it is evident in... but I want to firmly know who I am, and from that... have the ability to love others in a completely indifferent manner. Something that is unknown to man. A love that is completely other than, a love that can only come from knowing how Christ loves me.

The Love of Christ shall fill me; the Beauty that is within me shall be expressed in a way that Christ has designed me to express it; and the love of Christ shall overflow in a perfect way to those around me; the love of Christ poured out through me shall inspire those around me; and it shall go round and round and round again, from person to person to person.

End.

Mr.Sunshine!

2010-05-10T19:06:00.000-05:00

I'm all done nights! YAY!!!! Soooo this means that I'll get to play and dance around in the sun...and by sun I don't just mean sun... I mean SON! More time yipee haha :P Time to soak in the rays of His Glorious Glory.

Annnnnnnnnnnd on another note... I'm now coaching a younger softball team in my organization! YAY!!

Stay tuned! Hopefully more blogging in the future... now that I'm awake!

Love y'all <3

spin out.

2010-03-16T11:14:00.000-05:00

My life has literally felt out of control the past few weeks. Not even the kind of out of control that people say, "My life is out of my control, God is doing crazy stuff." It's the kind of out of control that makes me say, "I'm so out of touch with God because I so have not been diligent with my time, and I feel completely out of where I belong right now, so I don't know where I am right now, or what I'm doing." Yes, that sentence barely makes sense to me either. But my life pretty much doesn't make sense to me right now.

My schedule has been completely thrown off and I haven't really known how to make it make sense. I started nights about three weeks ago I guess. Full time, Sunday to Thursday, 10:00pm - 7:00 am. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving it, it's just a matter of life outside of work that I'm not loving. I fall asleep whenever I feel like it, and I wake up whenever I feel like it. And the in between, is pretty much just lying around, not doing anything because I just don't feel like doing anything.... terrible, isn't it?

Anyway, I have to say, that I just made myself a sweet budget-sheet, dealey that I can keep track of where all my cash is going to; I got really frustrated ... well, that's probably the wrong emotion - confused and flustered. - because at first I had more money than I should...then I had less money then I should. But... then I was super proud of myself because... I balanced it perfectly. Now, because I've gotten one thing under control - and it's something I've struggled with having control of for....well....forever, I feel like it's the beginning of a schedule coming together. Sleeping patterns, meal patterns, free time patterns....everything patterns. I can only thank God that when I don't feel like even approaching Him about something, He still has a sweet way of knowing what needs to get done...of knowing what I really do want done, but don't know if it's something I should voice. He's so awesome.

Anyway, I just thought you should all know. My life is getting in order....starting now. Goodnight. Tonight's a new start!

My Jesus ...

2010-02-15T23:01:00.001-06:00

is a lover
is a fighter
is a shepherd
is a friend
is a protecter
has compassion
shows me His heart
knows me
loves me
never fails
is faithful
is victorious
is mighty
is strong
is glorious
is brighter than the sun
is the morning star
is the dawning of a new day
is perfect
is my strength
is living water
is a lion
is a lamb
is a King
is a servant
is a potter
welcomes me
is merciful
laughs
cries
sings over me
comforts me
hears my cry
answers me
is within me, beside me, around me, before me.
is so much more than what I know

I love my Jesus. I love all the little things, all the big things. I love the way He makes me feel, I love the way He grabs my attention, I love the way He moves, I love the way He breaks me into little pieces just to rebuild me into something that looks more like Him...more beautiful, more holy, more righteous...more in love with Him. I love that He wants me to see Him for who He is.... I love His purity, I love everything about this man, He has captured my heart forevermore and I love that He will never change - Who He was, is who He is, and who He will always be. My Jesus is Holy and wholly mine.

Treasure Hunt.

2010-02-12T22:21:00.002-06:00

Pizza. Prophetic. Prayer. Presence of God. Pie.

The 5 P's that began a beautiful night of prayer in St. Vital mall. I began at the Peters' house hangin out with Cassia, eating dinner and preparing our hearts to speak to people about the love of Christ. The first treasure hunt (about two weeks ago) that I did...was well... a disaster... but not really. I was super nervous and very ill-prepared...but it was a stepping stone. Tonight... I postured my heart beforehand, allowing the Lord to take me where He wanted me, and slowly released myself to Him, as the night progressed I literally committed myself (body, spirit, mind) into His hands. Everything just flowed easier when I finally allowed my spirit to lead my flesh.

So, the night started with a HANDFUL of clues, and the group was: Drew, Rebecca, Cassia and I. I'll give you the list of my clues that God gave me, it will be easier to tell the significant stories of the night:
- Flats with a flower on the toe
- Gemini
- Cameo
- Unique hairstyle (lots of colour)
- Bow in hair
- Wal-mart
- Neon hat
- Quilts Bed Store (bedding)

Ok, so I will tell you my accounts; my night started at Quilts, it's a bed store across from Gap - We headed over there almost immediately (a few pit stops along the way but nothing major), anyway. Immediately, I knew that it was a mom and daughter looking at the bedding I needed to talk to. Cassia, being the lovely girl she is, noticed a few other things on the daughter.... she had a bow in her hair, and she had an orange shirt (one of Cassia's clues) - interesting! So, Cassia and I stood at the front of the store freaking out about how to enter into a conversation with this young girl... I decided to target the mom and see if either of them wanted prayer... I pretty much blurted it out... annnnd a polite decline... no worries though. I was still really encouraged by the spot on prophetic words...3 in 1.

Next, we were heading over to Sport Check to head up some one's clue...when I noticed a man in at the wine tasting thing that was set up in the mall(packing up) - he had a neon orange tuque on. So, as Cassia and Rebecca went to Sport Check, Drew and I headed over to the man (without getting a nice wind of the spirit). Drew being the socially skilled man he is; calmly and casually struck up a conversation - it was a bust unfortunately, but still encouraging. Anyway, as we went to meet up with the other two, we ended up getting HIT with fire. Super badly - we were hot.

Anyway, we headed into Walmart; immediately, my right knee was in excruciating pain. Somebody in there needed to be healed - but first, we headed to the shoe section. After the shoe section, we went over to the Automotive section (Drew's suggestion ... he had a word a few weeks back about a man with a bum leg) - I knew it was a knee somewhere instantly, and Cassia's knees started on fire basically and said it was the bus driver; so, Drew and I headed over there and started talking to him. We asked if he had a bum knee, and he said yes, I actually do. So, we explained that we were Christians and we believe that God can heal; I asked if it was his right knee and if we could pray for it. He agreed! So Drew placed his hand on his knee and prayed for healing. The man's countenance completely shifted, it was wonderful - His name is Tony if you want to keep him in your prayers; anyway, there was no way to tell if it was healed then, he said that it acts up when he drives, so he'll know tomorrow! Praise God! Hallelujah, it's healed :) ; side note, I saw Tony 5 or 6 more times that night, and the last time I saw him he waved happily. The Lord certainly encountered his heart on that night.

After Tony, Cassia led us to the nail polish section, there were 4 girls huddled around, so us girls went over there and struck up a conversation about which nail polish I should buy (they told me blue cause it suits my eyes) anyway, when asked to receive prayer, they were all about it! One girl wanted a bright future, one wanted a good valentine's, and one wanted her parents to make the right decision to adopt a child from Haiti (marvie!!!). Anyway, I prayed for them and they were all giggling constantly, it was adorable, there were around 15 or so; on a side note...they ended up running into me right before we debriefed and apologized for giggling, said it just wasn't everyday that someone asked to pray for them, wonderful! Of course it was no big deal.

Alright, the next was the unique hair. I saw the girl...she was with a guy. Drew and I followed them for a bit, but I was being hit with a lot of stuff.... badly; anyway, we ended up just hanging back and praying for them away from them and going back to meet the bigger group for a re-grouping, we switched groups around and headed back out.

Last story, Cassia and I headed into a shoe store.. I wanted to see if the store clerk had on the shoes I was looking for ... she didn't... but there were no customers, and she greeted me, so I decided to continue the conversation. Cassia told me afterwards that just as I asked the girl if I could pray for her, she realized she was holding a flat with a flower on it and ran over to me (Divine appointment); it turns out that she goes to Bethel community...a church that is near my house that has been on my heart for months, how fab. Anyway, I prayed for her father to be healed from cancer and a bunch of other things. The wondrous thing about it; everything I spoke Cassia was praying (in her mind, under her breath); exact words.

So, this was my night. A night of encouragement and confidence. A night of committing myself wholly to the Lord. And it's made me realize something; I simply need to let go of my image and grab hold of the image of the Lord. My workplace and the Jennie's and Mike's (what we call the customers) are seriously on my heart and I must open my heart to the doors that the Lord will open for me, for He WILL open them, and He will provide life for me to speak. Oh Holy Spirit, guide me, and guide those reading, Father, guide your church to boldness. May the confidence of the Lord be with us always, would You provide us with perfect love that casts out all fear. Rid us of the fear of man, and would we grasp your image... Your identity, not ours. Amen.

love story.

2009-10-30T06:10:00.002-05:00

My new schedule pretty much rocks! God's really using it to humble myself before the Lord and it's just awesome. Indescribable! I can't believe that I only have 11 short days left of it though! I'm going to miss KC a lot, but at the same time... I'm ready to come home. What I've experienced here has been awesome - completely out of this world. But this season of my life is over and it's time to press on and move forward (though I know God's not done with me here quite yet...like I said...still 11 days to go!). He's filled me up and I'm ready for the next steps He has for me. It's going to be hard, but I know He's hold me up - any fear but of Him is pointless. That's right fear of man- vamoose. If He tells me to do something.... I'm gonna do it. I count it all as loss right!!!?

Anyway, what I want to right about -

I've come to realize that what I have with God is truly the ultimate love story. It took him 6 years to truly have me. He pursued me constantly and continually pulled me out of the miry clay - though He did this, it never failed. I continually turned on my heel and walked away from Him. I just refused to love Him back. Until one day...one glorious day- I was finally captivated by His lovingkindness. One day I realized that all was loss compared to Him. He is my Beloved and my friend forevermore. Now that He has me, it is an ongoing pursuit. He pursues every hidden area of my heart, and I Him. He challenges me everyday to go deeper, to seek Him out and He loves on me everyday and finds a way to fascinate me even more. I am seeking to be a whole-hearted lover of God - knowing that I am ruined for nothing else is life-changing. There is no return at this point - I've burned all the bridges and there's nowhere to go but forward. I will come out of the wilderness leaning on my Beloved (Song of Solomon 8:5) - He's showing me the true purpose of wilderness seasons is to dry up all other sources of life and come out in the end with this beautiful picture. Truly the most fantastic thing in the universe right there - marvelous picture, marvelous feeling, perfect unity with God because all you can do is lean on Him with all your weight...awesome. I cannot get over how amazing this Man is. This God that is ravished by a single look from me. This excellent God who came down to the Earth as a man to die on a tree - all for love. guys ... you don't understand the majesty of this... the humility of this ... the beauty of this ... this next sentence moves me to tears anytime I think on it ... that man on the tree was GOD. god Himself put Himself in the most vulnerable position and allowed a woman to nurse Him as a baby. And later let men beat Him to a pulp and nail Him to a tree - to hang there, humiliated -- all to redeem us back to Him. All so He could be with us again - *sigh* what a romantic <3 haha :)

How can we live for anything but Him when this High Priest in heaven chose to be vulnerable before all just to allow love and mercy to enter into our lives.

This....this is our God. This is my love story.

Watchmen.

2009-10-17T17:15:00.003-05:00

My life as of late has been hectic and crazy and I am absolutely ruined (in the best of ways of course!) Quick update before I get to the nitty gritty seriousness. Since my last post I haven’t done much of anything ... I’m called to the Prayer Room this month, so buh-bye Commission after all. Which is good, because it’s totally not what God had planned for me this month; He’s really blessing this choice to accept the Prayer Room. I haven`t been spending very long hours in the Prayer Room, but last night at the conference God was speaking to me and He asked me to write a schedule for myself for the next few weeks that I`ll be here... let me tell you ... It`s a simple schedule, but it`s incredibly life changing. I`m excited to start it on Monday. (For those of you coming to visit me in November.... I won`t be changing my schedule a whole lot....sorry!! Ask me when I`m available and I`ll try my best to do something). But yeah, I shared my schedule with my roommate Kathryn, and I immediately knew that it was dead-on planned because she told me that she was waiting for me to go harder for God`s heart – I shared with her a vision that I had months ago ... I was walking down a hall and there was a door at the end, but I couldn`t get closer, then a few weeks ago God told me that I had my hand on the doorknob and I just had to open it, so I did, but then there was a big room with lots and LOTS of doors (that`s the really short version :P ) – Anyway, she said that when she heard the part about the doors (and that I had to sit and wait on the Lord to open a door) she knew in her Spirit that the schedule I had now wasn`t going to satisfy that vision. And this schedule she knows will. Anyway...yeah, basically my roommates are amazing. I love them!

Oh! Cat and Drew came! Yeah! Last week, it was awesome to see some familiar faces :) We had a thanksgiving dinner here at my place with them, 3 of their friends, and all of the Steinbach-iens. It was so awesome to just eat and fellowship!! Tons of food too.... lots of leftovers that I finally ate. There was ham, coleslaw, mashed potatoes, vegetables, stuffing, bread and spinach dip, garlic bread.... annnnd probably more food...but we also had sparkling cider, sweet tea, orange juice and for dessert.... two banana cream pies and a pumpkin pie! Wooooo, it was awesome. And I loved cooking and baking everything and having a BUNCH of people come to the apartment... it seriously made this feel like home. It was great!

And ummm yes! This week is the prayer and prophetic conference, which is absolutely fantastic! Yesterday was inspiring. Especially yesterday evening, the service went from 6 – 11. That in itself gave me major revelation. I seriously can`t express all the revelation that is in my heart... there`s SO much information there that I`m fearful I might lose some of this fire on my heart because it`s so overwhelming to my flesh! Anyway...there was an altar call at the end of service – Allen Hood asked for all those born after 1984 to come to the front...reluctantly I went because to be honest... I kind of wanted to go home, but I went cause I knew that the Lord would give me something if I was diligent. And Allen started praying for us [as we are the generation that needs to rise up and speak in this hour of history] and then he said, some of you can’t feel the fire anymore...turn to your brothers and sisters and ask them to pray for you. Phil and Lek (some friends from New Zealand) were standing right there...and I knew that I needed to ask for prayer, so, I did, and it was the best choice I could have made. Immediately the burden of the Lord was placed on me and I began to weep as He spoke all these things to me..and I don’t mean just weep, I mean mourn ... wail ... travail, over these things. One key thing, that most of you know something about (if you’re from SHOP) is that I began to wail over my sleeping warrior. I was pleading with God to awaken her. To shake her vehemently from her slumber – Sound the alarm loud in her ear that she will arise and run into battle. OH HOW MY SOUL LONGS TO BE AWAKENED. Soooo much revelation- but another that is actually really important that most of you do realize, but I’ve only started to understand, is that the church of this age needs a renewing revival. Like I said before...the service went for five hours. And it would have continued to go if they had not asked us to move to the Prayer Room. Anyway, the hour is now midnight and the alarms are beginning to sound. Can we hear it!? It is time for the church to get out of their ‘routine’ and allow for encounter. We are no longer in an age where we can be selfish – church isn’t a place to receive the Holy Spirit anymore... it’s the place to pour it out into each other and into the nations – “And my house shall be called a house of prayer.” (Isaiah 56:7) God has called His bride to pray, let's get out of our selfish ways and plead for mercy. Let's step into the calling and recieve our spirit of intercession... Let's be yoked with the burden of the Lord and consumed with the spirit of prayer. Guys...He longs to give us mercy, but rightly does He judge, rightly does He judge!!! - He vindicated that right at Calvary, He did not relinquish it, and He will pour out out His judgements in the last day ... these days are near. People are we ready, Jesus is coming, people are we ready, He is the King, He is the King. Wake up, don't be found sleeping in that hour - cry out to the Lord and prepare yourself as a pure and spotless bride, for He will shake everything that can be shaken, and if we're not rooted and grounded in love and founded firmly on the Rock that will be us that is shaken to the core!!! --- Our biggest burden in the secret place is no longer "How can I entertain myself with Jesus for an hour..." It is now a matter of life and death.

Boy oh boy, is that intense or what. Yes, that is only a part of it...believe me, I've got a lot more held up in my bones than this, "but His word was in my heart like a burning fire, shut up in my bones; I was weary of holding it back, and I could not." - Jeremiah 20:9 But that is definately a part of what I've recieved and I know there's going to be more tonight (Today's a good day... at 2:00 AND 6:00 pm, Matt Gilman is leading worship [YESSSSSSSS] and to make the 6:00 pm even better...Lou Engle is preaching!!!!! [YESSSSSSS] and you know when Lou Engle is preaching there's ALWAYS intense break out of Holy Spirit power) But anywho... that's my blog for now. Hopefully I'll post my next sooner than later :) Love you all.

Dreams.

2009-10-04T13:45:00.002-05:00

So, I apologize for not updating sooner! My life’s just been constantly on the go lately! Between classes, the prayer room, and amazing friends – I don’t really have all that much time.

I cannot believe that it’s already October already. I’m praising the Lord that He granted me one more month down here, but it still doesn’t seem like it will be enough. I love everything about it here. The Lord is blessing me so much. I’ve made friends who will last a lifetime, and my spirit is just soaking everything in. I’ve become passionate about music ... which is odd, because I don’t feel I can do ANYTHING. So I think when I get home I’m going to get serious... piano lessons for SURE. And voice lessons... maybe. I was worshipping late last night with a friend of mine. Just a guitar and our voices and I was like... why can’t I be more confident in my voice. I think it’s because I used to be part of a choir and they cut me...ever since then, my voice has been guarded and I haven’t been confident in it. To be honest...even just singing with a friend was intimidating... I have a hard time doing it, but I did, and it felt so right to just worship the Lord. And so badly did I wish I could play piano so I could start on the piano right next to us. So, when I get home ... I’m going to start training myself to be a musician. It’ll take some time – but I’m prayin’ the Lord will grant me patience to continue to grow in this gift that I feel is within me. You can’t possibly have a passion for something without having a hint of a gift. But anyway, I’ve also become more fervent in prayer, and my desire to pray has just increased an incredible amount. I’m not as afraid to just go ahead and pray anymore. In fact, I’m the one volunteering to pray. I’ve found the joyfulness of prayer and I love it! I’ve also begun to tune into the Lord’s sweet, sweet voice a little more. I’m getting visions more often for people when I pray..for myself as well. And I’m beginning to practise prophesying with the help of my good friends Sharron and Andy from Ireland (amazin’ couple!). I’m prayin’ that the Lord will continue to bless these gifts and grant me more! I’ve broken off a huge fear of mine as well... and it seems to be gone, but I’ll find out soon enough. I don’t need to say what I’m doing on here though. But It’s going to be good. The Lord is truly raising me to be a forerunner, and even an evangelist...something I never thought was inside of me. Something I always told people I wasn’t. But HA, the Lord definitely broke me on that subject.

Anyway, I’m also becoming more and more hungry for my manna every day. I can’t get enough of it, and I’m receiving more revelation on the Word than I ever have before. The one thing I wish, was that I could have more knowledge/ remembrance of it.... you know.

Kay, but, yes, that was my update. I don’t know if I can tell y’all anymore than that... the rest of what is happening is really just crazy good times with friends. Lots of laughter. OH! Wait!! I just moved into my new place yesterday evening! I’m living in the Hernhutt Apartment complex with friends from STEINBACH! Haha, yeah, my AMAZING friend Tanya left Friday night back home, I’m going to miss her a lot, and I wish I could be living here with her right now. But yeah, I took her place in the apartment so Jessica and Katherine don’t have to pay quite as much for rent .

Alright, so getting to the title of this blog – the other day, Sharron, Andy, me, and a few of Sharron and Andy’s friends were praying over Tanya and Joel. And I’ve never received revelation for myself before while praying for someone else. But yeah, God was just blowing me over with the love that he had for Tanya, and somehow, in the midst of that, he gave me insight to dreams that I had as a child all the time. The first that he reminded me of was one where I would be captured by some crazy dudes and be locked in a high tower ... I knew they were going to torcher me or something crazy and I was terrified... I was in shackles and chains and it was smelly and rotten, and just a terrible environment. But then my Dad broke through the door and came to my rescue. He ripped the chains off of me, picked me up in his arms, gave me a huge squeeze and told me he loved me and as we were running out, the enemies were in pursuit and he turned around and kicked the crap out of them!!! God brought this to my remembrance and said, I gave you this dream because I am your heavenly father and I have freed you from the grasps of the enemy. Coooooool. The second dream ... I had this one a lot too – I was in my house, and there were these big scary monster things in my house and I was trying to hide from them. And I always had to make it from my room to the basement. And we have a crawl space in my basement, but in my dream...it was different. My crawl space had a secret door in it and when I was in that secret room I was safe. Interpretation – my secret place is where I`m safe. It`s unbelievable that I had these dreams like 6 years ago at LEAST. And God is bringing them to my remembrance and showing me that they had an actual meaning... and they actually spoke to me now in an incredible way!!

Saweeeeeeet. Love you all <3

dove's eyes.

2009-09-15T21:42:00.004-05:00

((THERE'S TWO POSTS TODAY!!!(scroll down for the first post :D ) ))

Have you ever wondered what it meant when Song of Solomon mentioned dove's eyes to describe the gaze of the Lord...or the Shulamite's gaze upon the Lord? I know I have. But today I discovered it. Today I recieved revelation of it. Let me take you on my adventure ....

Doves

Do not have peripherial vision. They can only look straight forward. (His eyes are fixated upon me)
Something else cannot catch His eye causing Him to turn quickly away (He loves my face too much to be distracted)
Innocence -- Doves only have one mate in their entire lifetime. If that mate dies then that's it, they're done. There's only one and no other option (He's devoted to me and me alone.)

So for my side of things....

Having Doves eyes allows me to have an undistracted gaze upon the one whom I love. This statement right here is so powerful to me because what someone sees with their eyes is what gets into the heart and it is through the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks. Therefore, seeing only the Lord with undistracted eyes, causes only the Lord to dwell within my heart. Having nothing but the Lord in my heart brings nothing but redemtive words to my mouth...nothing but life.

Another quick thing, just something that relates back to a vision I recieved for myself a few months ago...of a golden heart -- representing innocence and purity (a buncha other stuff, but that's the just of it). Doves eyes also speak of purity and loyalty. This relates directly back to my golden heart. Only one statement can be said, and it is powerful indeed....

WHAT THE EYES SEE, THE HEART ENCOUNTERS.

majestic love.

2009-09-15T21:09:00.006-05:00

Okay, so, to start off - Last night I went to the prayer room at about 5:30 pm-ish and I was there till midnight ... I still wasn't digging in or receiving anything and I was like, Ah well. Try again tomorrow. But God sat me back down and said, you haven't even begun my beloved. Crucify your flesh here on this night and see the changes...feel the changes. And though I was tired I accepted the invitation. After amazing worship sets (from 8-midnight) they were a lot quieter and toned down. Which made it really difficult to stay awake. But I continued to walk it off and sing to the Lord. Many times pleading with Him to go home because this wasn't doing anything. "Think of the bigger picture" Is all He said. Well what the heck is that supposed to mean. But I stuck with it and kept my eyes open, I felt totally disconnected and disengaged from everything just because I was trying to keep myself awake, it was awful. I didn't have a hot clue why I was still there, but hey, if God needs me, I'll be there. Anyway, at 6:00 am, I called it quits because I had to be up in 4 hours, so I went on my way.

BUT! Here's the exciting part. I received an amazing emotion today. It was true, sincere love for the Lord. When I experienced this I realized that the way the Lord loves us (which is un-fathomable ... not a word I know) is the way we are to love Him... we are to reciprocal those emotions toward Him ... of course, as much as a human can endure to give. Anyway, today I found myself weeping before the Lord, but it was a joyful YOU ARE MINE AND YOU LOVE ME weep. The kind that you simply cannot smile big enough. Your mouth restricts you from being as happy as you want and your flesh prevents you from pouring out the fullness of your love that God deserves. My heart EXPLODED and the remnants are now this mush (ie. the hardness of my heart is gone, it is soft and ready to be ministered too... received a lot about the hardness of people's hearts today too.... prayed a prayer to the Lord to remove any hardness of my heart and BAM here's this story.) but anyway, this mush has this living flame (Greek fire!), it's been ignited and will not be quenched. I have a hunger for His word, for His love, for His fiery gaze like never before, and I will not rest until I see the fullness of His GLORY.

kansas city.

2009-09-12T16:11:00.003-05:00

So, my parents and I left on Thurs, Sept. 10 for Kansas City at about 8:00 am and arrived in Omaha at 9:00 pm the same day. Omaha is about 2.5-3 hours away from KC, but we decided to spend the night in a holiday inn...even by this time nothing felt like reality ... I wasn't getting, anxious, excited...nothing. But anyway, we left at about 8 the next day (Thurs) and arrived at Gerry's place [where I am staying while I'm down here] at about 11:00. She's a super sweet lady, and the house is phenomenal!!! I have just a little nook, but it's great for what I need....really just a place to sleep and read ya know. I'll be outta the house for the most part anyway! But yeah! I am now in Kansas City for two full months instead of one. I'll be leaving November 10 and I'm here for the prophetic conference that I wanted to be here for but was afraid that I'd be leaving like 3 days before-hand.

As it stands right now I'll only be doing the actual Commission Program for one month, as I can't afford more than that but I know the Lord will provide for me as I continue to seek Him and He will allow me to pay for one more month of this program... I have yet to attend a Commission Class, but I'll be starting on Monday :) I just needed to get myself settled in on Friday, so I didn't really feel up to going straight to the class. But I can now find my way to the Global Prayer Room ... which is where the shuttle departs from so I'm covered as far as IHOP travel goes :) It's only like a 20 min. walk from Gerry's place to the prayer room so it's sweet.

Speaking of the prayer room, I went there today for the first time ever. Holy magnificent batman!! I've seen/heard it over the Internet, but to actually be there is a completely different story! I know the Lord will really speak to me while I'm down here ... so far I haven't quite dug in far enough... I think it might just be getting used to the environment ... but so far ... He's whispering faintly that I will be renewing my flame and getting grips on new concepts that I haven't known before...OH! He's gonna really drill devotion into me as well while I'm down here... I can just feel it....

CAN'T WAIT!! Love love you all.

open the eyes of my heart.

2009-08-23T13:53:00.002-05:00

Last night I had the most amazing encounter. I was on my knees begging the Lord for more. I knew there had to be something else waiting for me beyond the horizon. I knew this wasn't it for me. And then I saw it, the eyes of the Lord were staring at me...the presence was so strong that I fell to my face but I heard a voice say "You are worthy to walk with Me, you are worthy do be in My presence." And I realized then that I need to begin to walk in confidence that I AM the righteousness of God. I have all authority on this Earth (Matt. 28:18) and I am a conquerer. I am worthy to walk in the calling of the Lord (Eph. 4:1-6).

Just then, the Lord told me that I've unleashed the next Glory, I've asked, seeked and knocked and I shall now recieve (Matt. 7:7). My good friend walked up to me and said, Caitlin, this isn't a season, you will continue to move from Glory to Glory.

The Lord has shown me I must work to walk up to the throne room each day and crucify my flesh to open up the floodgates of heaven...to allow a pathway for our relationship to flow. He's revealed to me to open the eyes of my heart, to lay all iniquities, fears, and wickednesses behind me, and to willingly open my arms for Onething (Job 11:13-16) ... to long for His loving corrections (Job 11:5-6)

Basically, I need to take more time out of my day to truly seek and ask for the eyes of my heart to be opened. Because it is through these eyes and only through these eyes that you will be able to see the Glory of God shining from above.

things to accomplish.

2009-08-15T23:16:00.002-05:00

This year I would like to ...

- go to Kansas City for one month [September]
- Go to Saskatoon
- Go to BC
- Go to Canada's east coast
- Travel to Sweden
- Discover a new talent

the ranch - week 3.

2009-07-26T10:15:00.002-05:00

This was another good week.... I was in the barn again and it was a lot of work and hot days. But it was still wicked awesome. We had absolutely zero accidents so it was nice, and there were quite a few kids who overcame their fears and hopped on a horse! I was excstatic... and my second star class was wonderful this week.

This week was a 12-14 week so it was a little bit of a teen week. Man, I forgot how hectic teen weeks are. You look left and right and there's kids just hookin up everywhere; kids trying to sneak out of wagons; kids pickin fights; kids threatening you.... it's crazy. There were a few iffy kids this week. One who was on probation and another that was actually sent home because of his behaviour, but all these kids have just been told stuff for too long that they just believe it and act that way. There was definately fear the first few days, but we talked it out as staff and realized that our God is a God of love and we need to show these kids an exceeding amount of it.

I'm so pleased with how much change there was this week. I mean seriously, there were such transformations this week. The kids who came in here and gave us a lot of trouble...by the end of it they were apologizing for their behaviour, language, everything. And actually....the kid who was on probation, he got hit hard by the spirit of God....so hard that the devil didn't like what was going on and there was major spiritual warfare. One night...on our freedom night actually (Thursday), he started hearing voices in his head from satan or w/e.... telling him really strange things. And his behaviour was doing major peaks and lows. I'm pretty sure that he was half being possessed or something, he would get this look in his eyes every once in a while and say something ridiculously vulgar and start doing this meniacle laughter...seriously creepy, but the dude, Justynn, who was with him remained calm and in the spirit and continued to love on him and just speak life into him and he would go back to being this sweet kid....it went on for like an hour and a half like this...it was crazy. But still, so sweet that we're doing such great works in the kingdom. If we can influence one kid enough that the enemy goes wild...we've done our job.

Other than that, there's nothing else to really say..... I'll be back in the barn this week...which is unfortunate because this was the last week that I would have been able to counsel cause I'm leaving next week and won't come back until teen week...and I'm still a teen myself so I'm not going to counsel. Bummer...major bummer. I was really looking forward to counselling this summer :( Maybe if I'm called back to a week or so next year I'll get the chance.... but horse staff is still sweet.... I'm still influencing kids this way :)

Love you all. <3

the ranch - week 2.

2009-07-18T15:55:00.004-05:00

Soooo this week was pretty much amazing. I was on horse staff, so I was outside all day everyday. I love the physical labour down there. It never gets old. I get the best of both worlds, ministry to kids, and a lot of time with horses. It's wonderful.

It was certainly an eventful week. It was full of accidents, miracles, teaching, learning, and a lot of laughter. One of my second star students almost had her head stomped on after a horse freaked and ran off crow hopping then reared, throwing the little girl off and came down right near her head. Def the grace of God on that one, she was totally fine and she was ready to hop right back on. I was so proud of her! We had quite a few more accidents with kids this week, and thankfully none of them were serious. God has put such a peace here at the ranch it's wonderful! I love it! I have a sweet story about pony express though. I was the Pony Express Man's wife this week, and I was kidnapped on Thursday. On Friday he came and rescued me, and we were going to double up on a horse and ride out together. Unfortunately the horse that we were using is really antsy once at town hall, and when I got on, she reared while only one foot and one hand was on the mane... I did stay on, then Mark went to get up and once he was on and settled the horse reared again, but higher. It was so sweet! He had to slide off so he didn't pull me down, but I totally stayed on. Then he just jumped into a truck and drove down and I just rode out...but it was SWEET. It was the first time a horse had ever reared while I was on it, so it was sweet that I stayed on and still kept my wits about me. That was my riding highlight :)

The kids this week were like 10-13 or something that, so it was a really great age group to minister to and whatnot. I did a lot as a buddy (going into a wagon after campfire while the counselor gets ready for bed) this week, more than I ever have before..actually same with down at the barn. God has just put His presence inside of me this summer and everything is just flowing a lot easier. I had so many opportunities to minister to the kids even though I wasn't a counselor, it was awesome how much favour I had with the kids. I was able to help one girl expand on her knowledge of Revelation (she attends Calvary in Brandon) and then I led another to the Lord one night after salvation campfire, seriously, I've never said the salvation prayer with anyone as their buddy. It was just a perfect week. Everything about it was great.

The barn has been absolutely phenominal. Everything is just so organized. Our new Horsemanship assistant is doing an excellent job at being efficient. She is so well organized and helps us all stay on track. We even got a break today...on rodeo day. We have never recieved a break on rodeo day before. And it was all because she got us to work through tuck times to get things done...things we have never done before...like oiling leather...scrubbing halters...just little jobs that nobody ever thinks about doing. Patricia Kleinsasser is absolutely wonderful, and I am so pleased to have her down there this year. I have never ever had so much joy while working down there at all times, and it is all because of her attitude!

OH one last thing that happened today, we managed to trough two new horse staff in a row. The first was Ashley, then right after was our leader Patricia....neither of them had any idea that it was happening so their reactions were absolutely priceless!!

Anywho, I kinda wanna enjoy my evening off and take a nice long walk or something outside... I miss you all!! See you in a while....

P.S - I am horse staff again this next week, cannot wait!!!

provincials.

2009-07-12T14:55:00.004-05:00

Day 3

Soooo just as I expected ... we lost. BUT it was a decent game... probably one of the best we ever played. They were just hitting to places we couldn't get to. We only lost 6-2, and we were playing really well defensively, and we improved offensively. We were getting a few solid hits in and we made minimal errors. I'm actually very pleased with us.

It was officially our last game of the season too, so it was an okay year. We improved, that's for sure, and we went out with a bang. So... congrats girls. I'm proud of us :)

ANNNDDD after the game I had a shower and then picked up my bestie Christine and got my ears pierced!!! Eeeep I'm so happy! They look really good... it felt kinda wierd, but it definately didn't hurt. It was more the suspense of it that freaked me out. But all in all... it was a good day.

But I'm off to the ranch now. See y'all in August :) <3>

provincials.

2009-07-11T22:52:00.002-05:00

Day 2

Well... not much to say about today. I'm exhausted, that's for sure. We had 3 games today... 10:00 am, 3:00 pm and 7:00 pm. Against Bulldogs, Smitty's, and Lightning. The only thing I can really say is we scored one run all day (cough...me..cough)

First game was 11-1 and I mean... we did okay for the first 3 innings, we held em and whatever, but we had one bad inning where they were jus poundin 'er... didn't help that the wind was doin crazy things with the ball.

Second game - no comment. It was just a joke.

Third game - by far the best game of the weekend. We only lost 4-0, actually FINISHED the full 7 innings. And we did really well defensively, we just weren't hitting.

All in all...the entire day there was no contact while batting...it was brutal.

So basically this means that we're officially out of the running, but we still have one game left tomorrow... We're not going to win. Just so you know. But yeah, I had a good season. The girls are fun to be with, and it was just a fun, easy going year. There was no real commitment, which was nice because my life is so hectic...but it woulda been nice to be in more than 2 tournaments...maybe travel a bit... and maybe win like ONE game. but hey, can't always have the best of both worlds right? I got what i asked for...I just wanted to play this year with no strings attached :) Turned out that I got exactly what I needed.

provincials.

2009-07-10T23:16:00.002-05:00

Day 1

So today we played 2 back to back games. one at 5 then the next immediately after at 7. Game one was against our older team, Angels '90. Which is the best team in the province...it's stacked hardcore. But I mean, we did not bad up until the 4th inning when we lost focus and let in 12 runs...leaving the score 14 - 0 ending in the fifth inning. But that was kinda to be expected.

The second game went better... it was a lot more exciting too! The final score was 9-8 for them in the last inning. And we were head-to-head basically the entire time. We had a really good rally one inning where we got in like 6 runs or something. And we always had runners on base...we just couldn't seem to get 'em in for most of the game. But we had some nice plays, including a sweet dive from Jenn Bell to grab a slow, and we made really good contact (proud to say that I almost hit a homer!! Missed the fence by like a foot!)

But yeah. We lost both games...which sucks. Cause Blue Thunder (second team) was the only team that I was confident we'd beat...the rest are...well...iffy. We haven't won a game yet this year...except against BT...so we'll see. We have 3 games tomorrow, so hopefully it goes a lil better.

light.

2009-07-08T21:06:00.002-05:00

I'm just chillin here thinkin about the ranch and how much I wanna go back to it. And I'm reminiscing on some sweet revelation I got while I was there last week. And there was this one day in particular that I really remember...

Ever stare at a light too long? In this case, I was staring at the moon. There was that faint glow of light around it at first, but as I continued to keep my gaze upon it, that faint glow increased around it. The first few times I couldn't handle it, but then I ended up forcing myself to stare at it as long as I could because honestly...it was way more beautiful with a massive, overpowering glow surrounding it.

Then I got to thinkin....this situation is a lot like God. I mean, the moon is always there...you just never really take notice of it. It's just this far off thing in the sky that gives light in the darkness. Then, when you finally look up, you see a portion of it's beauty shining forth, and there's only a select few who are like Woah! Look at that! And when you actually take the time to stare at it, you become mesmerized by it. It's light consumes you and it's all you can see.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that God is always around us...guiding us and leading us, but not everyone sees it. He's just this presence in the world and when you finally realize He's there you're like... God, you rock. But when you stop and seek His heart, His Glory shines forth brighter and brighter. His love grows stronger and stronger. Soon He's your obsession and you can't get your mind off of Him. He's all you think about. He's your fix. He consumes you and your eyes are glued to the Prize. You fall so in love with the beauty and majesty of God that you can't tear your eyes away from Him. And as you continue seeking Him you can handle more and more of Him and that "glow" becomes stronger, brighter, and larger than before. But you can take it cause you're adjusting to it.

Sweet eh.

McYumm.

2009-07-07T22:29:00.002-05:00

An inside look into this heart.

Things that make me slow down and say mmm:

- Laying on the beach.
- The sound of rain.
- Starry nights.
- Laughing so hard I cry.
- Random text messages from my friends.
- A good hug when I need it most.
- Diving for a ball and making a sweet play.
- Hitting a ball on the sweet spot.
- Bonfires with friends.
- Busting into a spontaneous worship session.
- Cozying next to a fire with hot chocolate in winter.
- Blankets and a good movie.
- Fluffy white clouds with a blue background.
- Riding a horse bareback.
- Walking in the early morning or late at night.
- Sweet Revelation.

graduation.

2009-07-05T10:55:00.009-05:00

Soooo I just realized that I haven't even blogged or posted pics from graduation!!! ;;

How's my hair? Is this V-thing covering my zipper? Is it straight? My honour roll thing is pinned funny. This hat is hurting my head. My shoes hurt my feet.

These were the minor complaints as I was waiting in line for my diploma. I was nervous that I was going to trip over my feet and fall flat on my face looking like an absolute fool. I did have a dream about that so... ya know, it's kinda normal.

Though I was concerned about all the minor details, as I walked across the stage, I was perfectly poised and gleaming. The moment I had been waiting for for thirteen years had finally arrived and I loved every minute of it. I made a statement even as I walked straight towards Ms. Haluschuk. "Do not be conformed to the makings of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2 is what was said of me as I walked. And I believe I did just that over throughout the years. I broke away from the crowd and truly did become my own woman. I'm proud of my accomplishments and my experiences. I'm proud of the mistakes I've made and the people I've met. All of it helped me grow and experience life. There's really not much to say other than.... I DID IT!!!!!!

and now that it's finally over ... I'm not actually all that concerned about the next step in my life. I know I've got a lot of paths, but I'm just gonna take it easy and let God push me this way or that way. Whatever happens happens. It's not that big of a deal anymore. I'm just happy to be out of this season and moving on to bigger, greater things.

So ... not much left to say, so here ... have some pictures!!

The Ladies

The Ghetto Bus Gang

Love you <3>BFF

Caits and C.Dougs

Boris Yultson and Winns Dimbo

French Crazies

The Gang

Daddy and I walking to convocation

Accepting my Diploma from Bob Town :)

The Rents

and

my Grandma (below)

stoked.

2009-07-04T23:13:00.002-05:00

So I'm back from staff training at Circle Square Ranch. And though I was nervous about going back to the ranch this summer, my excitement has been energized. My first thoughts going into this journey was, "God, honestly, you know that I need the money, why can't I just work" or "they dont' get it, they don't have the same passion, they don't have that intimacy." You know, really stupid thoughts like that that I shouldn't have had. But He (being the great Father that He is) kept replying, "Trust in me my child, let me guide you.... you have something that these children need...they need that passion, they need that flame" so I was like, sigh okay I'll go. And I'm able to make it for 5 weeks this summer, so I'll be headin back on July 13 and I'm stoked!

But basically what happened this week was amazing! The presence of the Lord was there so much! And you'll never guess what happened....most of the messages were on intimacy with God... I know right. WOW! It was sooo good! They were dead on with how important it is and how sometimes you just need to shut up and let Him speak into your life. And the words for the staff that God had...amazing. There was one guy that had the anointing of faith and manifestations, one girl who needed encouragement to keep fighting for her prize...actually there was a guy with that too... but he was in a slightly different boat...but the same general idea, and then another woman had the spirit of wisdom on her. And another girl needed to slow down and learn to lean a little more on God rather than try to do it all herself....not matter how hungry she was....so it was sweet! I really feel that this is going to be the BEST summer we've seen.

And the staff....phenominal...we've got a few sketch characters this year, but not nearly as bad as it has been in the past. Everyone is so focused on the Lord, it's refreshing! There's actually a group of guys who go out for "man dates" in the morning (AKA mandate). They meet up, and go for a run down to a random secluded spot and they have their devos, prayer, discussion, and run back and do some random work out. It's so sweet, and that is seriously on the beginning of our unity this summer. I've never seen us so tightly knit! We're going to make such a great team this summer, I mean really, we're already leaning on eachother for support, and that's soooo key!! Another thing I like is that the ranch isn't overflowing with girls....not that that's a bad thing...but we always seemed to be short on male staff in the past years...but I mean, we've got 70+ staff this year, and it's basically split in half for male/female. It's radical.

I cannot begin to even explain my excitement for this summer guys. There is such a burning in my heart for these kids right now and I cannot wait to get back to the ranch. It's going to be soo good this summer! And there's already so many ideas running through my head. Whether I'm a counselor, horse staff...kitchen staff...WHATEVER I'm ready for the craziness! And I know that sacrificing what I thought I needed isn't even a big deal if it means that I get to sow the seed!

If I could ask you to join me in prayer for the staff, and the ranchers (kids) that would be amazing. For the staff cannot do it alone, they need God's strength, they need to be continually filled so they can pour out their hearts to these kids. And the kids need the Spirit of God to be abundant in their lives! I DON'T want these kids to be camp Christians... I want them to go home with an unquenchable flame, I want them to be touched by God Himself. I want them to be filled with the Holy Spirit and go home and be contagious. I want them to go unto the world and be a light and set God as a seal upon their arm. This is happening guys ... it's ALREADY happened. These kids are going to be radical.

i surrender.

2009-06-24T13:23:00.003-05:00

Where do I draw the line? All I want is a full life, and this full life cannot be made through my own means, it has to be made through God's means and His desires for my life. Unfortunately, when I pursue a deeper relationship with God, I seem to pull myself almost completely away from the world. But maybe that's what I need right now. Maybe I need that isolation to discover myself again and my path in God. It seems, however, that when I do isolate myself and try to dig deeper, there's people (i.e. my parents) who turn to me and say "Balance, Caitlin. Balance. It's okay to have friends, you can't be one of those people who don't discover life because they're too wrapped up in 'God's will'." They say that to me all the time, then say "We understand that you're trying to pursue something with this faith blah blah blah." But they don't understand, otherwise they'd realize that being a Christian isn't just about moral views and proper stature as they continually tell me I have ... it's the relation I have with God, which is what I either go full force toward, or I lack ... depending on the season of my life.

My life seems to constantly be one extreme or the other... never a straight balance. I'm frustrated with certain traits I have that are supposedly gifts. I'm tired of receiving words, visions, dreams, imparatations, etc. from God and having things happen that make me second guess what I received from God Himself. No, I'm not saying I question God, I'm saying I question the strength of my relationship with Him. Am I misinterpreting what He's telling me ... or am I just twisting my own desires into what He's telling me so I can gain what I want.

I don't know myself. I don't know God. I don't know my life. I'm finding myself second guessing every thought I'm having and I'm left standing here wondering what has been True and Righteous and what has been my own doing. When do I pursue something and when do I sit and wait.

This is me saying, I give up. I'm shutting off my head and allowing my heart to take the lead. I surrender my life in it's entirety because I don't know the first thing about living. Today, I'm starting over. I'm starting fresh. For those of you who think you know me ... you don't, because whoever you knew ... I'm not her. I've been putting on masks for too long and I'm not going to keep them on anymore. I'm going forward, pushing down this wall and walking on my own with God. Nobody is going to walk with me, nobody is going to push me along ... my own pace. my own way. my own life in God. Caitlin is going out into the world to embrace life independently, I don't mean that weak little girl who was afraid to take risks, I mean the warrior girl that is fighting for God and Him alone. Mindless games will not be apart of my life any longer.

So, Hello, my name is Caitlin, it's nice to meet you.

my boss is a jewish carpenter.

2009-06-22T11:17:00.002-05:00

On Saturday, June 20, after my last softball game of the day, my coach walked up to me and told me that the head coach of Jamestown University (North Dakota) wanted to try to contact me about a possible scholarship down to their school.

Basically what this mens is that in September ... just two short months away, I would pack up my stuff and leave for North Dakota until May. I would leave my family, my friends, my church, my everything.

How do I feel about this? I'm excited, but scared out of my mind. It's super sweet that I'm actually good enough for a scout to want me to play for their team, but... I'm scared. I'm scared of what will become of me after I leave Winnipeg and what I know. My original plan was to leave Winnipeg for 3 months before going to University to pursue a stronger relationship with God down at IHOP, Kansas City. But in reality, by following that path, I wouldn't be straying to far from home because I would still be emersed in a prayer room, just like I am here in Winnipeg.

To be honest, I think that's what I'm scared of the most, is being away from the prayer room. I won't have Sanctuary, and I wouldn't have IHOP. Without either of those ... I don't trust myself to keep pushing in for God. And I won't have friends there to keep me on track ... I'm scared of the unknown, and I'm scared of my own weakness.

I continue to look to God for answers, pleeding for Him to give me guidance; but my mind is blocked by my own thoughts and fears. I know it's kinda soon to make a decision, and I haven't even talked to the coach yet, so I'm going to juggle these thoughts around in my head and close my eyes and wait patiently for that calming whisper in my ear.

strength.

2009-06-20T10:24:00.003-05:00

I've passed yet another busy season in my life, and the next is quickly approaching. Unfortunately with the extremely busy times in my life, there is a severe slash in my time with the Lord. Recently, I've come to a realization, and in light of this realization I've gained revelation. - I've realized a trend in my life during busy seasons, I always seem to become guilty for not spending as much time with God as I feel I should, and in turn, I get descouraged and don't try as hard to get back into the groove. It starts slow; I'll miss a day or two with God here and there, but when I miss just one day, I feel guilty and find it hard to get back into it the next day so feelings of discouragement progress to allow my mindset to become so awful that I begin to not miss a few days, but weeks. My thoughts are still on God throughout the day, but I never feel like just talking to Him throughout the course of the day is really enough - and losing such huge chunks of time with God weakens my communion with the Holy Spirit; I'm no longer in line with what He's whispering in my ear, and that's a dangerous place to be - because I know I'm becoming slightly more distant from God, I become discouraged even though I know the truth; that He still loves me, and is inviting me into His arms.

My latest situation was crazy...but it made me come to this revelation. I would sing to the Lord and talk with Him whenever I was working on my own/had a few moments of quiet, but I wasn't getting that actual time to dig deeper; I didn't feel I was devoting enough time and that was when the guilt settled in. Because of this guilt and constant bombardment of tasks, I began to get discouraged. A friend of mine helped me realize that it isn't necessarily the amount time that you spend with God that's important, it's the significance of the time you do get, and the position of your heart during that time.

The thing is ... we may not always get the time we would like with God, but we need to keep running hard for the prize, despite the fact that life gets a little busy at times. We must continue to pray night and day with love and know He is pleased always. And when we actually get the time, use it to return to our first love. I know that's something I've struggled with; because I was discouraged, I didn't want to put in the effort to "catch" all the lost time. Which is really wierd when I think about it because time with God isn't about a 'schedule' that I need to keep, it's about simply learning; learning to love, learning to live, learning my heart, learning God's heart, and learning how the two flow as one.

What I think, is that a strong relationship lies in confidence; not in yourself and your strength, but in God and that He is strong when we are weak.

Fear.

2009-06-07T23:11:00.003-05:00

In 18 days the rest of my life will begin when I walk across the stage to accept my diploma as a gradute in the class of 2009. It's unbelievable that the day I've been looking forward to since I was a young girl has some so quickly. The days seemed to pass so slowly when I was looking forward with excitement. But somewhere between the beginning of my grade 11 year and the beginning of my grade 12 year, my thoughts toward graduation changed, and life passed in a blur. The anticipation of sweet, glorious freedom has changed to a sort of bittersweet satisfaction.

The accomplishment of successfully completing highschool is so wonderful ... but the fear of the responsiblities of adulthood is something that pierces the deepest parts of my being. It sends chills down my spine to just think about the road that lies ahead. I'm trying so hard not to look back and long for it to last a little bit longer; to not look back and want the days of carefree childhood back ... you know the days, when you would come home from school and run through a sprinkler with your best friends. Those days were so much fun, but though I fear it, I know that what lies ahead is so much greater.

What I've learned these past 4 years are priceless. The lessons learned will never be forgotten. I've lost a lot, but gained things that are much greater; I've lossed friends, but soon came to a realization that I gained friends much more wonderful. I've lost some battles, but gained amazing knowledge. I've made mistakes which have cost me a lot of time, effort and tears, but gained new perspective and love of life. Truly the greatest thing I've obtained throughout my highschool career was the gift of life. I realized what life was all about, and found a passion of God that I hadn't known. What I hope is that this is only the beginning.

The changes that I've made in even just a short year are flabbergasting. I'm nowhere near the person I was last year, and I'm nowhere near the person I truly am meant to be today. That alone is what frightens me about my future. I'm still so confused about who Iam; who I am as a person, and who I am in Christ.

My purpose - love; love God, love people, love life.
My gifts and strentghs - will be discovered
What defines me - God; the rest will be added when I seek Him and Him alone.

Anything other than that ... well, I don't know. I don't know if it really matters, but I know I'll find out soon enough. I know I'm afraid, but I also know that God is strong when I am weak. On this broken road He will guide me. I will seek Him in all I do and trust Him with all of my possessions. My fear is not going to hold me back ... if anything, it will drive me forward. It's the unknown that makes life exciting! The unknown allows one to live. So, as I enter into this next season of my life I'm going to take a deep breath, a running start and do a front flip dive into the deep end.