Fear.

In 18 days the rest of my life will begin when I walk across the stage to accept my diploma as a gradute in the class of 2009. It's unbelievable that the day I've been looking forward to since I was a young girl has some so quickly. The days seemed to pass so slowly when I was looking forward with excitement. But somewhere between the beginning of my grade 11 year and the beginning of my grade 12 year, my thoughts toward graduation changed, and life passed in a blur. The anticipation of sweet, glorious freedom has changed to a sort of bittersweet satisfaction.

The accomplishment of successfully completing highschool is so wonderful ... but the fear of the responsiblities of adulthood is something that pierces the deepest parts of my being. It sends chills down my spine to just think about the road that lies ahead. I'm trying so hard not to look back and long for it to last a little bit longer; to not look back and want the days of carefree childhood back ... you know the days, when you would come home from school and run through a sprinkler with your best friends. Those days were so much fun, but though I fear it, I know that what lies ahead is so much greater.

What I've learned these past 4 years are priceless. The lessons learned will never be forgotten. I've lost a lot, but gained things that are much greater; I've lossed friends, but soon came to a realization that I gained friends much more wonderful. I've lost some battles, but gained amazing knowledge. I've made mistakes which have cost me a lot of time, effort and tears, but gained new perspective and love of life. Truly the greatest thing I've obtained throughout my highschool career was the gift of life. I realized what life was all about, and found a passion of God that I hadn't known. What I hope is that this is only the beginning.

The changes that I've made in even just a short year are flabbergasting. I'm nowhere near the person I was last year, and I'm nowhere near the person I truly am meant to be today. That alone is what frightens me about my future. I'm still so confused about who Iam; who I am as a person, and who I am in Christ.

• My purpose - love; love God, love people, love life.
• My gifts and strentghs - will be discovered
• What defines me - God; the rest will be added when I seek Him and Him alone.

Anything other than that ... well, I don't know. I don't know if it really matters, but I know I'll find out soon enough. I know I'm afraid, but I also know that God is strong when I am weak. On this broken road He will guide me. I will seek Him in all I do and trust Him with all of my possessions. My fear is not going to hold me back ... if anything, it will drive me forward. It's the unknown that makes life exciting! The unknown allows one to live. So, as I enter into this next season of my life I'm going to take a deep breath, a running start and do a front flip dive into the deep end.