majestic love.

Okay, so, to start off - Last night I went to the prayer room at about 5:30 pm-ish and I was there till midnight ... I still wasn't digging in or receiving anything and I was like, Ah well. Try again tomorrow. But God sat me back down and said, you haven't even begun my beloved. Crucify your flesh here on this night and see the changes...feel the changes. And though I was tired I accepted the invitation. After amazing worship sets (from 8-midnight) they were a lot quieter and toned down. Which made it really difficult to stay awake. But I continued to walk it off and sing to the Lord. Many times pleading with Him to go home because this wasn't doing anything. "Think of the bigger picture" Is all He said. Well what the heck is that supposed to mean. But I stuck with it and kept my eyes open, I felt totally disconnected and disengaged from everything just because I was trying to keep myself awake, it was awful. I didn't have a hot clue why I was still there, but hey, if God needs me, I'll be there. Anyway, at 6:00 am, I called it quits because I had to be up in 4 hours, so I went on my way.

BUT! Here's the exciting part. I received an amazing emotion today. It was true, sincere love for the Lord. When I experienced this I realized that the way the Lord loves us (which is un-fathomable ... not a word I know) is the way we are to love Him... we are to reciprocal those emotions toward Him ... of course, as much as a human can endure to give. Anyway, today I found myself weeping before the Lord, but it was a joyful YOU ARE MINE AND YOU LOVE ME weep. The kind that you simply cannot smile big enough. Your mouth restricts you from being as happy as you want and your flesh prevents you from pouring out the fullness of your love that God deserves. My heart EXPLODED and the remnants are now this mush (ie. the hardness of my heart is gone, it is soft and ready to be ministered too... received a lot about the hardness of people's hearts today too.... prayed a prayer to the Lord to remove any hardness of my heart and BAM here's this story.) but anyway, this mush has this living flame (Greek fire!), it's been ignited and will not be quenched. I have a hunger for His word, for His love, for His fiery gaze like never before, and I will not rest until I see the fullness of His GLORY.