spin out.

My life has literally felt out of control the past few weeks. Not even the kind of out of control that people say, "My life is out of my control, God is doing crazy stuff." It's the kind of out of control that makes me say, "I'm so out of touch with God because I so have not been diligent with my time, and I feel completely out of where I belong right now, so I don't know where I am right now, or what I'm doing." Yes, that sentence barely makes sense to me either. But my life pretty much doesn't make sense to me right now.

My schedule has been completely thrown off and I haven't really known how to make it make sense. I started nights about three weeks ago I guess. Full time, Sunday to Thursday, 10:00pm - 7:00 am. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving it, it's just a matter of life outside of work that I'm not loving. I fall asleep whenever I feel like it, and I wake up whenever I feel like it. And the in between, is pretty much just lying around, not doing anything because I just don't feel like doing anything.... terrible, isn't it?

Anyway, I have to say, that I just made myself a sweet budget-sheet, dealey that I can keep track of where all my cash is going to; I got really frustrated ... well, that's probably the wrong emotion - confused and flustered. - because at first I had more money than I should...then I had less money then I should. But... then I was super proud of myself because... I balanced it perfectly. Now, because I've gotten one thing under control - and it's something I've struggled with having control of for....well....forever, I feel like it's the beginning of a schedule coming together. Sleeping patterns, meal patterns, free time patterns....everything patterns. I can only thank God that when I don't feel like even approaching Him about something, He still has a sweet way of knowing what needs to get done...of knowing what I really do want done, but don't know if it's something I should voice. He's so awesome.

Anyway, I just thought you should all know. My life is getting in order....starting now. Goodnight. Tonight's a new start!